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Anon has quick reflexes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/17/18(Sun)18:29:51 No.46182766 >Be me First time on tinder >match with two grils instantly >stacy texts first >w-- >She lives less than a mile >Panic.jpg >Delete the app 156 KB JPG >Mfw 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 06/17/18(Sun)18:31:36 No.46182794 She liked you, you mental f------ retard.
: Anonymous 06/17/18(Sun)18:29:51 No.46182766 >Be me First time on tinder >match with two grils instantly >stacy texts first >w-- >She lives less than a mile >Panic.jpg >Delete the app 156 KB JPG >Mfw 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 06/17/18(Sun)18:31:36 No.46182794 She liked you, you mental f------ retard.

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Anon makes protein shakes | /r/Greentext

Weird s--- you did in high school >had a fwb agreement with a female hockey player at my school >asian, built af >l would come to all her games so she could suck me off in the bathroom for a "protein shot" >pic related, me in the stands with empty nuts watching her club the s--- out of studs and bitches I didn't like >on big games she'd make me c-- twice whether I wanted to or not 310.1 kB JPG >said s--- like "I make you c-- twice, I win gold medal!" In Engrish because she knew I thought it was hot >forced me to make her "game shakes" >honey, water, cucumber and c-- >friends found out about it >would shout "BUTTERS CREAMY GOO!!" At me in the hallway >don't regret it, but she got me hooked on muscle girls for life
Weird s--- you did in high school >had a fwb agreement with a female hockey player at my school >asian, built af >l would come to all her games so she could suck me off in the bathroom for a "protein shot" >pic related, me in the stands with empty nuts watching her club the s--- out of studs and bitches I didn't like >on big games she'd make me c-- twice whether I wanted to or not 310.1 kB JPG >said s--- like "I make you c-- twice, I win gold medal!" In Engrish because she knew I thought it was hot >forced me to make her "game shakes" >honey, water, cucumber and c-- >friends found out about it >would shout "BUTTERS CREAMY GOO!!" At me in the hallway >don't regret it, but she got me hooked on muscle girls for life

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Anon works smart | /r/Greentext

: Anon professional gamer 02/01/21(Mon)12:01:36 No.542673565 > be me > 12 years old > what do you want to be when you grow up anon? >i like video games > that's a hobby not a career anon > fast fwd 10 years 29 KB JPG > twitch gamers make more than my desk job butyousaid.jpg > pandemic begins outside > anon you no longer need to report to the office. pls work from home lennyface.txt > be wednesday >i could finalize this report or I could prestige in warzone > set Skype to Active play 8 games in 6 hours > clock out for dinner at 5pm > that's $14 a game > mfw i am professional gamer
: Anon professional gamer 02/01/21(Mon)12:01:36 No.542673565 > be me > 12 years old > what do you want to be when you grow up anon? >i like video games > that's a hobby not a career anon > fast fwd 10 years 29 KB JPG > twitch gamers make more than my desk job butyousaid.jpg > pandemic begins outside > anon you no longer need to report to the office. pls work from home lennyface.txt > be wednesday >i could finalize this report or I could prestige in warzone > set Skype to Active play 8 games in 6 hours > clock out for dinner at 5pm > that's $14 a game > mfw i am professional gamer

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Anon is a Russian | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)23:53:53 No.851927469 > be me, russian > homophobic and transphobic > go to r/worldnews on re**it > "Putin bans same sex marriage and trans people can no longer adopt children" > comment one word showing my 87 KB JPG political views > based.txt > next_day.ogg > open reddit > get a dm > banned from the subreddit for reason "troll" > we do a little trolling Worth it : Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)23:54:50 No.851927540 >>851927469 (OP) # Троллед!
: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)23:53:53 No.851927469 > be me, russian > homophobic and transphobic > go to r/worldnews on re**it > "Putin bans same sex marriage and trans people can no longer adopt children" > comment one word showing my 87 KB JPG political views > based.txt > next_day.ogg > open reddit > get a dm > banned from the subreddit for reason "troll" > we do a little trolling Worth it : Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)23:54:50 No.851927540 >>851927469 (OP) # Троллед!

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Joe spittin nut facts | /r/Greentext

>"The thing is." >Joe leans into the mic >"Fat isn't the problem. Carbs and sugar is the problem. Ever eat nuts, man? Nuts are great for you." >"uh. yeah, I eat nuts. I used to pick peanuts back PREDE when I was a kid and they were in season." >"Nice, nice. Like, from a tree?" >"No, they grow in the ground." >Joe nearly s---- himself in surprise >"What!?" >His guest tries not to sound condescending >"Peanuts grow in the ground, kind of like-" >"Jamie, Google this right now. Jamie, Google "peanuts growing in ground". H--------." >"Yeah, just like that. They grow in the ground like potatoes." >"Well." >Joe Rogan breathes heavily into the mic >"That makes sense. They couldn't grow on trees because squirrels would f--- them up. Imagine that? Imagine how much squirrels would f--- up a peanut tree. Squirrels are basically tiny chimpanzees."
>"The thing is." >Joe leans into the mic >"Fat isn't the problem. Carbs and sugar is the problem. Ever eat nuts, man? Nuts are great for you." >"uh. yeah, I eat nuts. I used to pick peanuts back PREDE when I was a kid and they were in season." >"Nice, nice. Like, from a tree?" >"No, they grow in the ground." >Joe nearly s---- himself in surprise >"What!?" >His guest tries not to sound condescending >"Peanuts grow in the ground, kind of like-" >"Jamie, Google this right now. Jamie, Google "peanuts growing in ground". H--------." >"Yeah, just like that. They grow in the ground like potatoes." >"Well." >Joe Rogan breathes heavily into the mic >"That makes sense. They couldn't grow on trees because squirrels would f--- them up. Imagine that? Imagine how much squirrels would f--- up a peanut tree. Squirrels are basically tiny chimpanzees."

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Plague Inc | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)04:21:50 No.64653353 >Noticed rats in the bushes downtown >Started leaving lots of waste food for them >Bread, cakes, meat, etc whatever I get for free from the foodbank >Top up their water bowl every day 1.56 MB WEBM I've been doing this for a couple of months and my pet ratties are getting so big! And they've got lots of little babies now too. : Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)04:24:50 No.64653370 >>64653353 (OP) # You've managed to find the most wholesome yet destructive community activity I've seen. Well done. : Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)04:28:43 No.64653391 >>64653353 (OP) # based Rat King
: Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)04:21:50 No.64653353 >Noticed rats in the bushes downtown >Started leaving lots of waste food for them >Bread, cakes, meat, etc whatever I get for free from the foodbank >Top up their water bowl every day 1.56 MB WEBM I've been doing this for a couple of months and my pet ratties are getting so big! And they've got lots of little babies now too. : Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)04:24:50 No.64653370 >>64653353 (OP) # You've managed to find the most wholesome yet destructive community activity I've seen. Well done. : Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)04:28:43 No.64653391 >>64653353 (OP) # based Rat King

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The harder they fall | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/09/21(Tue)19:44:40 No.66095146 THEY SAIDICOULD BE ANYTHING >buddy of mine is a /fit/cel. >works out five days a week so he can get a girlfriend >takes testosterone suppliments and goes full macho mode about everything to get a gf. >hes a f------ retard but a good SO I BECAME A BALLOON ANIMAL 43 KB JPG guy. >about a month ago, we go to a bar for drinks. >he sees a hot 8/10. Decides he's gonna hit on her. >suddenly her boyfriend comes into the picture. Straight up Chris Evans ottermode prettyboy. Think I knew him from somewhere before but put it aside. >/fit/bro has the stupidest idea: hes gonna beat the guy up to get his girlfriend. >l tell him thats the dumbest idea l'd ever heard. >he says it'll work, just watch. >then I remember who prettyboy was. Guy I knew in middle school. >black belt in karate, trained kickboxer, star player on the wrestling team. >l try to be a good friend and tell him not to do it, hes gonna get his ass kicked. >he says not to worry, hes got atleast 50 pounds on him. >/fit/cel gets his ass kicked. >he goes home to cry afterwards. >he's stopped lifting and he's really depressed lately. Says he's been completely emasculated. Guy, what the hell do I do to make him stop being a p----? Everytbing I try to do to help doesn't seem to get through to him.
: Anonymous 11/09/21(Tue)19:44:40 No.66095146 THEY SAIDICOULD BE ANYTHING >buddy of mine is a /fit/cel. >works out five days a week so he can get a girlfriend >takes testosterone suppliments and goes full macho mode about everything to get a gf. >hes a f------ retard but a good SO I BECAME A BALLOON ANIMAL 43 KB JPG guy. >about a month ago, we go to a bar for drinks. >he sees a hot 8/10. Decides he's gonna hit on her. >suddenly her boyfriend comes into the picture. Straight up Chris Evans ottermode prettyboy. Think I knew him from somewhere before but put it aside. >/fit/bro has the stupidest idea: hes gonna beat the guy up to get his girlfriend. >l tell him thats the dumbest idea l'd ever heard. >he says it'll work, just watch. >then I remember who prettyboy was. Guy I knew in middle school. >black belt in karate, trained kickboxer, star player on the wrestling team. >l try to be a good friend and tell him not to do it, hes gonna get his ass kicked. >he says not to worry, hes got atleast 50 pounds on him. >/fit/cel gets his ass kicked. >he goes home to cry afterwards. >he's stopped lifting and he's really depressed lately. Says he's been completely emasculated. Guy, what the hell do I do to make him stop being a p----? Everytbing I try to do to help doesn't seem to get through to him.

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Catch and release | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/09/21(Tue)12:11:33 No.66089993 >gf cant c-- >she tells me nobody is able to make her c-- not even herself >havent had sex yet but have done other things >my technique is good I focus a lot on the clit and whatnot but what she always likes best is the 41 KB PNG fingering "come here" motion thing >it always builds easily, shes enjoying the s--- out of it and soon shes grabbing my hair and moaning loudly and curling her toes >but she just doesnt c--, the build up always just fades away and we start over again >she doesnt know why but shes just never been able to c-- >described it as "theres a build up and it's really good but theres no release it just never happens" Have any femanons out there had this problem? How did you fix it? Can you still maintain a good relationship even knowing l'm not man enough to make her finish?
: Anonymous 11/09/21(Tue)12:11:33 No.66089993 >gf cant c-- >she tells me nobody is able to make her c-- not even herself >havent had sex yet but have done other things >my technique is good I focus a lot on the clit and whatnot but what she always likes best is the 41 KB PNG fingering "come here" motion thing >it always builds easily, shes enjoying the s--- out of it and soon shes grabbing my hair and moaning loudly and curling her toes >but she just doesnt c--, the build up always just fades away and we start over again >she doesnt know why but shes just never been able to c-- >described it as "theres a build up and it's really good but theres no release it just never happens" Have any femanons out there had this problem? How did you fix it? Can you still maintain a good relationship even knowing l'm not man enough to make her finish?

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Anon watches Star Wars | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/29/21(Fri)12:02:20 No.65944874 >be me >watching Star Wars with 7 year old nephew M >trying to explain the plot of The Phantom Menace to him >"The Trade Federation is 351 KB PNG invading Naboo because Nab00 won't pay their taxes" >"what are taxes?" >"Taxes are like extra money you have to give to the government whenever you buy stuff" >"That sounds evil" >Explain to him that taxes are a thing in real life Mfw my nephew says he wants to join the rebellion and destroy the US President now.
: Anonymous 10/29/21(Fri)12:02:20 No.65944874 >be me >watching Star Wars with 7 year old nephew M >trying to explain the plot of The Phantom Menace to him >"The Trade Federation is 351 KB PNG invading Naboo because Nab00 won't pay their taxes" >"what are taxes?" >"Taxes are like extra money you have to give to the government whenever you buy stuff" >"That sounds evil" >Explain to him that taxes are a thing in real life Mfw my nephew says he wants to join the rebellion and destroy the US President now.

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Anon is 100% straight | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)01:11:18 No.866419560 >realized I'm fapping to gay p--- all the time for a few month now >so weird for someone 100% straight 30 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)01:14:59 No.866419782 >>866419560 (OP) # >gay p--- >100% straight pick one >>866420061 # : Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)01:19:33 No.866420061 >>866419782 # gay p--- >>866420116 # : Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)01:20:23 No.866420116 >>866420061 # My mannnn
: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)01:11:18 No.866419560 >realized I'm fapping to gay p--- all the time for a few month now >so weird for someone 100% straight 30 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)01:14:59 No.866419782 >>866419560 (OP) # >gay p--- >100% straight pick one >>866420061 # : Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)01:19:33 No.866420061 >>866419782 # gay p--- >>866420116 # : Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)01:20:23 No.866420116 >>866420061 # My mannnn

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