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Water may have created life, But Beer makes life tolerable | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Anon chooses sobriety 11/26/22(Sat)08:36:37 No.889737882 >Be me at the autisic age of ten >Dad is drinking with his buddies outside. >Dad is aware that I am eyeing the can of Corona Lite in his hand as I jump in and out of the house with my cousins. "Hey anon, I think its time you know the taste of some good beer." 1.08 MB JPG >He hands me the can and I take a full swig the same way he and his buddies do. >Proceed to choke and hurl like a cat with a hairball >Dad's friends laugh as I claw out my throat to remove the vile taste "Can't believe people drink this crap, do they all taste like this?" Yes, son. You'll get used to it" >Turns out my dad added a generous serving of salt and vinegar to the beer, forever skewing my perception of alcohol until my late teens >Come to realize that my dad knew I would try it, but managed to convince me to voluntatily choose sobriety >Try Corona again at age 19 "Yea it still tastes like s---"

: Anonymous Anon chooses sobriety 11/26/22(Sat)08:36:37 No.889737882 >Be me at the autisic age of ten >Dad is drinking with his buddies outside. >Dad is aware that I am eyeing the can of Corona Lite in his hand as I jump in and out of the house with my cousins. "Hey anon, I think its time you know the taste of some good beer." 1.08 MB JPG >He hands me the can and I take a full swig the same way he and his buddies do. >Proceed to choke and hurl like a cat with a hairball >Dad's friends laugh as I claw out my throat to remove the vile taste "Can't believe people drink this crap, do they all taste like this?" Yes, son. You'll get used to it" >Turns out my dad added a generous serving of salt and vinegar to the beer, forever skewing my perception of alcohol until my late teens >Come to realize that my dad knew I would try it, but managed to convince me to voluntatily choose sobriety >Try Corona again at age 19 "Yea it still tastes like s---"

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Anon Has Bad Luck... | /r/Greentext

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Anon tries to prank call. | /r/Greentext

File: 1372962827556.gif-(426 KB, 500x282, whathaveidone.gif) CN Anonymous (ID: CmZth2jV) 07/04/13(Thu) 14:33:47 No.491101037 This happened a few years ago, I just wanted to share >be me >have random idea to prank call someone for the first time in my life >decide to be original and craft my own call >thirty minutes go by >eureka >pick someone random in phone book >call >girl picks up, maybe thirteen >Girl: "Hello?" >Me: "Is this the Suicide Hotline?" >G: "Uh, no this is the Smith household." >M: "F--- I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!" >hold phone up to computer, play gunshot sound effect >drop phone, leave it off the hook >G: OH MY GOD, DAD! DAD SOMEONE JUST SHOT THEMSELVES! >she starts crying, runs away >hear dad asking her to calm down and explain >I assume she does, all I can hear is sobbing >dad starts freaking out >dad tries to calm her down >says something along the lines of "We'll be okay, at least it wasn't someone we know." >she gets angry, screams something like "HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?", walks off. >dad sits down by phone, starts weeping >i hang up the phone. >tfw I have permanently scarred a family >tfw I have strained and may have broken the loving relationship between father and daughter >tfw the daughter is probably in therapy right now And that was the last time I ever prank called someone.

File: 1372962827556.gif-(426 KB, 500x282, whathaveidone.gif) CN Anonymous (ID: CmZth2jV) 07/04/13(Thu) 14:33:47 No.491101037 This happened a few years ago, I just wanted to share >be me >have random idea to prank call someone for the first time in my life >decide to be original and craft my own call >thirty minutes go by >eureka >pick someone random in phone book >call >girl picks up, maybe thirteen >Girl: "Hello?" >Me: "Is this the Suicide Hotline?" >G: "Uh, no this is the Smith household." >M: "F--- I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!" >hold phone up to computer, play gunshot sound effect >drop phone, leave it off the hook >G: OH MY GOD, DAD! DAD SOMEONE JUST SHOT THEMSELVES! >she starts crying, runs away >hear dad asking her to calm down and explain >I assume she does, all I can hear is sobbing >dad starts freaking out >dad tries to calm her down >says something along the lines of "We'll be okay, at least it wasn't someone we know." >she gets angry, screams something like "HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?", walks off. >dad sits down by phone, starts weeping >i hang up the phone. >tfw I have permanently scarred a family >tfw I have strained and may have broken the loving relationship between father and daughter >tfw the daughter is probably in therapy right now And that was the last time I ever prank called someone.

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Pewdiepie killed 4chan | /r/Greentext

Board /b/ - Random : Anonymous Settings Home 207 KB PNG 01/27/19(Sun)22:33:50 No.791116222 >be me >post on 4chan /b/ everyday >end up on youtube and see pewdiepie video titled "GREENTEXT" >watch video of pewdiepie reacting to our glorious posts >realize all his 9 year viewers probably decided to come on 4chan >mfw all they saw was p---

Board /b/ - Random : Anonymous Settings Home 207 KB PNG 01/27/19(Sun)22:33:50 No.791116222 >be me >post on 4chan /b/ everyday >end up on youtube and see pewdiepie video titled "GREENTEXT" >watch video of pewdiepie reacting to our glorious posts >realize all his 9 year viewers probably decided to come on 4chan >mfw all they saw was p---

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Anon lives in Ohio | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/17/18(Wed)00:22:54 No.42551236 >Teacher f------ a hot student in the gym locker rooms after school (Fired she was 18) > Teacher got so mad he threw a desk at a student (Fired) >Teacher came to school wasted (Fired) >Teacher browsed the living f--- out of Infowars and would regurgitate every dumb as f--- conspiracy theory to us instead of teaching us American History. Also made us watch Wizard of Oz alongside Dark Side of the Moon. Once stood on his desk SCREAMING about water filters. Named the jew a few times. Also heavily hinted that the Holocaust was faked (Still employed) >Class bullied a teacher so badly she cried (Still Employed) >Goth chick told us she was going to bring a gun to class and murder us. The class jock responded with "Do it c---" >Kid punched a window out in the hallway and cut a major artery and died (Still dead) >Stacy and cheerfriends botched a "throw the girl in the air" during a pep rally and she snapped her arm to a 90degree angle in front of the whole school >Kid s--- himself during a test because he didn't study for it Oh small town USA

Anonymous 01/17/18(Wed)00:22:54 No.42551236 >Teacher f------ a hot student in the gym locker rooms after school (Fired she was 18) > Teacher got so mad he threw a desk at a student (Fired) >Teacher came to school wasted (Fired) >Teacher browsed the living f--- out of Infowars and would regurgitate every dumb as f--- conspiracy theory to us instead of teaching us American History. Also made us watch Wizard of Oz alongside Dark Side of the Moon. Once stood on his desk SCREAMING about water filters. Named the jew a few times. Also heavily hinted that the Holocaust was faked (Still employed) >Class bullied a teacher so badly she cried (Still Employed) >Goth chick told us she was going to bring a gun to class and murder us. The class jock responded with "Do it c---" >Kid punched a window out in the hallway and cut a major artery and died (Still dead) >Stacy and cheerfriends botched a "throw the girl in the air" during a pep rally and she snapped her arm to a 90degree angle in front of the whole school >Kid s--- himself during a test because he didn't study for it Oh small town USA

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Anon catches his dad red-handed | /r/Greentext

11/26/22(Sat)06:24:03 No.71135866 When I was 12 I came home early from a half day at school and caught my dad in the middle of a sex act with our dog in the living room. He maintains to this day that that didn't actually happen and that it must've been a dream or maybe I'm misremembering a scene from a movie but I know what I f------ saw. He gets really angry whenever I bring it up and he won't even acknowledge that it happened so we can talk about it, even though I KNOW we both remember the incident. : Anonymous Car 361 KB PNG Three weeks after that happened, my mother divorced him and moved to Ghana for reasons she won't divulge. She just reiterates that she liked the idea of living in Ghana. My father is now a fat, gay, depressed, asthmatic, barely functioning alcoholic living in a studio apartment in Arizona. He has his own dog now, the same breed, gender and color as the one he "definitely didn't" have sex with. He even gave the dog the same name. I have never told anyone any of this.

11/26/22(Sat)06:24:03 No.71135866 When I was 12 I came home early from a half day at school and caught my dad in the middle of a sex act with our dog in the living room. He maintains to this day that that didn't actually happen and that it must've been a dream or maybe I'm misremembering a scene from a movie but I know what I f------ saw. He gets really angry whenever I bring it up and he won't even acknowledge that it happened so we can talk about it, even though I KNOW we both remember the incident. : Anonymous Car 361 KB PNG Three weeks after that happened, my mother divorced him and moved to Ghana for reasons she won't divulge. She just reiterates that she liked the idea of living in Ghana. My father is now a fat, gay, depressed, asthmatic, barely functioning alcoholic living in a studio apartment in Arizona. He has his own dog now, the same breed, gender and color as the one he "definitely didn't" have sex with. He even gave the dog the same name. I have never told anyone any of this.

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“Accidentally” | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 22 KB JPG 10/31/22(Mon)05:51:15 No.70795580 >be me, early 20s >use tinder, set my age range looking for MILFs >accidentally swipe right on my mom >mfw : Anonymous >>70795580 (OP) # I guess you'll at least save some money. 10/31/22(Mon)06:24:03 No.70795902

: Anonymous 22 KB JPG 10/31/22(Mon)05:51:15 No.70795580 >be me, early 20s >use tinder, set my age range looking for MILFs >accidentally swipe right on my mom >mfw : Anonymous >>70795580 (OP) # I guess you'll at least save some money. 10/31/22(Mon)06:24:03 No.70795902

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suggest a title | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/26/22(Sat)09:39:36 No.71136697 >night time >masturbating to horse rimming hentai >hear my dad close his bedroom door, he's going to sleep. >look back 94 KB GIF >my f------ door has been open this whole time while I've got pictures of Komi Shouko cleaning out a horse's a------ with her tongue on my screen It's been over a year now and I still think about it all the time. He goes to sleep on the couch first then wanders into his bedroom half-asleep most days and sometimes doesn't remember anything that happens during that time, even full conversations. It's possible that he wasn't really awake so couldn't remember what he saw. It's possible that he didn't even bother looking at all. I have no way of knowing.

: Anonymous 11/26/22(Sat)09:39:36 No.71136697 >night time >masturbating to horse rimming hentai >hear my dad close his bedroom door, he's going to sleep. >look back 94 KB GIF >my f------ door has been open this whole time while I've got pictures of Komi Shouko cleaning out a horse's a------ with her tongue on my screen It's been over a year now and I still think about it all the time. He goes to sleep on the couch first then wanders into his bedroom half-asleep most days and sometimes doesn't remember anything that happens during that time, even full conversations. It's possible that he wasn't really awake so couldn't remember what he saw. It's possible that he didn't even bother looking at all. I have no way of knowing.

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anon does jiggly jiggly | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 19 KB PNG Am I broken 06/04/22(Sat)04:50:30 No.68906733 >finally have sex >really hot girl no idea how I scored her >cannot seem to c-- at all >she starts complaining >I start trying to think of the most f----- up hentai I could >instantly c-- buckets @kimdaism

: Anonymous 19 KB PNG Am I broken 06/04/22(Sat)04:50:30 No.68906733 >finally have sex >really hot girl no idea how I scored her >cannot seem to c-- at all >she starts complaining >I start trying to think of the most f----- up hentai I could >instantly c-- buckets @kimdaism

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Anon plays red dead redemption 2 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)21:58:56 No.789916764 48 KB JPG >Be me >Been playing red dead 2 all day everyday for a week straight >Had to actually leave the house for groceries etc (I live at college so I actually have to do things for myself) > Decide to try to be more like Arthur Morgan >About to walk past a guy in the street, will say the first cowboy-ish thing that comes to my head when I pass him >Approach him >"Hey sexy" What the f---

: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)21:58:56 No.789916764 48 KB JPG >Be me >Been playing red dead 2 all day everyday for a week straight >Had to actually leave the house for groceries etc (I live at college so I actually have to do things for myself) > Decide to try to be more like Arthur Morgan >About to walk past a guy in the street, will say the first cowboy-ish thing that comes to my head when I pass him >Approach him >"Hey sexy" What the f---

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