What am I doing with my life...

Notes:

As I stare in to the porcelain glass in front of me, holding a confectionary liquid of ground beans and water, I contemplate my life. I'm a grown man, working in the fast food industry for a boss who pays me practically nothing. My best friend is mentally handicapped, and my other friend hates me. The only friends I really have is a squirrel that was in a lab experiment for supreme intelligence, and a microscopic organism with a pride disorder.

It's cold outside, and raining. How the hell does it rain in the ocean? Is it some sort of radioactive waste coming from the sky, or is some flock of birds taking a piss on us. I think it's the latter. These two numbskulls across the diner are talking about something. Nametags? How the hell could you not have your own nametag?

Reminds me of that old story. May as well tell it to them.
tl;dr: I FORGOT MY NAMETAG!