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Jane, on a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight? North Korea

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When you're not sure if your dog is drunk, or just really, really, depressed.

THE SOLAR FLARES WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES.

Look what I invented That's the best thing since ripped up bread

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Moar:

How rude

SO I CAN HEAR HIM COMING! eine TECHNICALLY, STILL A VIRGIN BUT WHY WOULD eben YOU LET A MAN INSERT HIS CUSTARD LAUNCHER IN YOUR EAR? beligent WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA! (Seburen

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Sibling problems

Going on a hot date but you have to bring your conjoined twin

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Ladies' night

MALAR When you go out to meet men but it turns out to be a total tuna fest

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Silent audience

When you explain your idea, and they seem to be listening, but you get the feeling they're not really understanding the point. X X X X X X RAND THES

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Costumes, please

MAKING PLANS IN OCTOBER Can we go in costume? Gesena For Borch

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Be boulder

Unfortunately, Frederick misunderstood his friends when they told him he had to be bolder about life.

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A retail nightmare

Expired!? What do you mean you will not accept them!?! Everyone honors my coupons!!! Perhaps so, ma'am, but if that gets past anywhere at my register, so will my employment....

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Ayo...

DIE MILT IS VAN SYN SCHAT ELCK CRVYPT HEM IN HEIGAT When you have a belly ache so you pay the local villagers to crawl and take a up your look

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Got 'em

Women don't look cute drinking... I'm not trying to look cute. I'm trying to make you look cute.

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Wow

I CALL THIS "WHY DOESN'T EVERYONE REALIZE MY CAPTIONS ARE HILARIOUS?" HE'S SO THIRSTY Bartholome 1833 SRSLY JASON? WOW! DENIAL AIN'T JUST A RIVER IN EGYPT

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I'm cooked

Me watching my " Nah this won't come in exam" questions in exam paper @advitworld

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True story

Me needing a life alert after giving her the best 23 seconds of her life

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