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My parents: How come you never socialize with the family? Me: *sits with family* Me: *gets insulted by entire family* Goodbye everyone. I will remember you all in therapy

me, going into a public restroom at 7 AM and seeing a sparkly clean toilet with blue water:

Nobody: The worm in RFK Jr.'s brain: NOW BAN THE POLIO VACCINE!

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Me: *tries to login to gmail on a different device* Gmail: k AA of 8 GATE CLOSED DAA We're Sorry but Your Kind isn't allowed here

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