one of the most boring stands imo | /r/ShitPostCrusaders/ | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure | Know Your Meme

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Origin Entry: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

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STA MANGA AUTHORS HIDING THEIR FACES BECAUSE OF THE FEAR OF BACKLASH FROM FANS, DUE TO FAN FAVORITE CHARACTER DEATH OR BAD ENDING ARAKI DOESN'T HIDE, SHOWS HIS FACE SO EVERYONE KNOWS HIM -KILLS FAN FAVORITE CHARACTERS ALL THE TIME, HAS 8 ENDINGS FANS STILL LOVE HIM INSPITE OF EVERYTHING

Jonathan Joestar Joseph Joestar Jotaro KuJO YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE! YEAH, I CAN SEE THAT. Josuke Higashikata WHAT THE F---

CONFIANDIO CONFIA NDIO E MUNDEL PEL

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LET'S SAY, HYPOTHETICALLY, THE WORLD IS THE SAME TYPE OF STAND AS STAR PLATINUM LET'S ALSO SAY, HYPOTHETICALLY, STAR PLATINUM STOPPED TIME 2 SECONDS BEFORE YOUR TIME STOP ENDED. CHECKMATE DIO, YARE YARE DAZE

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JJBA THEORY: JOTARO DOESN'T ACTUALLY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT POKER This is the most important post I have ever made in my life Before we start, there are some things we need to establish: 1) Jotaro Kujo is a very perceptive, analytical person. TENSION HERE TENSION IS EQUAL HE PUT IT THERE SO THE CUP WAS A LITTLE TILTED WITHOUT US REALIZING THAT IT WAS. ONCE THE CHOCOLATE MELTS, THE SURFACE FLATTENS, AND THEREFORE CAN ACCOMODATE ONE MORE COIN. THE DECK SEEMS LEGIT. We can see this from the bet Joseph makes before he loses his soul. He is able to figure out why and how D'arby cheated, however, 2) He doesn't figure out the trick until after D'arby already won. He doesn't actually know anything about popular cheating tactics or anything like that. He only figured it how it happened because he has a very good grasp of basic chemistry. THREE CARDS. Another good example of this is his attempt to check their deck for any signs of tampering before they start. He makes sure there aren't any doubles, but he doesn't look for punched holes or shaved edges; two incredibly common methods of cheating. He's smart enough to know that he should look for signs of tampering, but he doesn't know enough about poker cheats to actually know what to look for. Moving on to the actual poker game- the narration, Avdol, You'll notice right off the bat is that D'arby is the one leading the game. there is not a single move Jotaro makes that D'arby doesn't make first. Hell, the only time Jotaro uses any poker terminology at all is in this panel All commentary is provided by either THIS TECHNIQUE IS CALLED SECOND DEAL. USUSALLY, CARDS ARE DEALT FROM TOP TO BOTTOM, BUT THIS TECHNIQUE DEALS THE SECOND CARD FROM THE TOP. PEOPLE WHO HAVE PRACTICED THIS TRICK LONG ENOUGH ARE EXTREMELY HARD TO CATCH, DUE TO THE SPEED OF THEIR FINGERS. YOU NEED AT LEAST THREE CHIPS PER GAME... IF YOU DON'T FOLD NOW... The only thing we can say for certain is that Jotaro knows what a two pair is (which is not something you even necessarily need to play poker to know). It's also worth noting that two pairs are the third worst kind of hand you can get in poker, which begs the question: Why did Jotaro decide to bank on such a low-ranking hand unless it was the only kind of hand he knew how to make? Absolutely none of the commentary in the poker game is provided by Jotaro, either. MELTED WHEN I WIN ALL SIX, I'LL TAKE YOUR SOUL. anything, it damn thing "But Snake," you may why did he agree to play The answer to this is, minute his were character friends thing for him for The most game itself. DOS After playing knows how he His "bluff" story's THESE CARDS EH? or D'arby himself. There isn't a single panel where Jotaro actually proclaims to know anything about poker. Instead, actually knows one to make), just keeps how JUST DO WHAT...? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SOLID EH? PERSON A SECOND isn't own internal logic. SORRY, TWO PAIR: JACKS AND QUEENS. HEY, JOTARO! WHAT DID YOU DO?! Him getting meter range SEVERAL OR MINUTES TO ADRENALINE BRAIN. I THOUGHT SOMETHING mediocre he It's also worth or otherwise) ask yourself," the game of course, amount It's true that Jotaro initiated the poker thing with Oh That's A Baseball, match, but he also did the exact same a game he canonically did not know how to play. If more evidence suggesting Jotaro did not know a provides even that going about poker into the game. piece of evidence damning THEY SAY A TRAINED BOXER CAN SEE THEIR OPPONENT'S PUNCH IN SLOW MOTION. THEY ALSO SAY THAT TO A In order for him to to not notice, he would do that at this point in the story. in danger. THOSE LINES THIS GUY HAD FOUR KINGS, JOTARÓ! raising to make. IN MORTAL PERIL, CAN SEEM LIK are WHAT DID YOU HAVE?! noting hand literally the have have SECONDS, EVEN, IN IT WAS TAKE TWO CARDS. ALONG him to do. EREST PUE THE put had that Jotaro But more a glass of juice would as well, which he has Dio himself was not fully conscious of The major thing to note here is that Jotaro couldn't have stopped incredible something he could have done intentionally either, given the if Jotaro didn't know how to play poker, then in the fist place?" also common SECOND DEAL 100₂ TWO PAIR: EIGHTS AND NINES. I WANT TO PLAY "OH! THAT'S A BASEBALL!" WITH YOU. IT'S FINE... the c-------- to time. I DON'T NEED TO CHANGE THEM. stop that exercises Jotaro wasn't bluffing. He was trying planning anything. Y... Y... YOU...! is an impulsive idiot who panicked the to the point, it is an absolutely in- WE'RE GOING TO PLAY have only ALTHOUGH IT'S MELTED NOW, IT WAS SOLID BENEATH THE CUP EARLIER. SOME POKER. (which, mind you, is probably just gives up on swapping bet, presumably because this case had time unless he did of stress. It wasn't a decision JOKERS FIRST... THE CARDS ARE IN ORDER... THESE SNOW WHITE CHIPS REPRESENT YOUR SOUL... of evidence, however, is how he won the YOU'RE NOT LOOKING AT YOUR CARDS. in He his ability HMM... THEN I'LL... NOW, WE'RE Note that this was only ever possible when star platinum control. He wasn't just panicking; he was disassociating. frazzled he straight up astral projected himself some juice. GOING TO TRY THIS GAME. the first Dio required ever been SORRY his mouth fast enough literally doesn't even He literally had to be told how bad his hand was. In conclusion, out it's time acting it instinctively he could have F... FOUR KINGS! the only hand he cards altogether. the only move he him to exceed shown to do OKAY, D'ARBY. TAKE OUT YOUR CARDS. JOTARO! THIS IS THE SHOULD OF SOMEONE WHO ISN'T EVEN HERE! YOU'RE ASSUMING TOO MUCH! on BERE HO WHAT'S UP JOTARO? he used AT FIRST, I THOUGHT I WAS SEEING THINGS for D'arby to know he can it, either. own reflexes; under an his while consciously One of these men knows how to play poker. That man isn't Jotaro. was completely Son of a bitch was like smoking and drinking (alcoholic beverages forms of relaxation. AA star platinum's 2 one time before: made. AH! to calm himself down. He literally was not out of his so :::: KNEW IT! HE HAD CRAP!

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Made in Heaven's Door | /r/ShitPostCrusaders/

If I had a nickel for everytime there was a confessional scene in jojo where a character gets mistaken for a priest, I'd have two nickels I must confess. I've suffered countless sleepless nights. Go on. Keep talking. let me go get the priest... I must confess my sins. Do you know the other family? Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice

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