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voidandradiance the most disorienting thing thats ever happened to me was when a linguistics major stopped in the middle of our conversation, looked me in the eye, and said, "you have a very interesting vernacular. were you on tumblr in 2014?" and i had to just stand there and process that one for a good ten seconds

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fulgur-caligo-custodis kurlyfryz Power move: Next time you go to the airport, bring a bottle of shampoo, but it's filled with yogurt. When they tell you that liquids aren't allowed Drink it Posted in r/madlads by u/ProbablyM_S reddit

lesbianshepard Jul 24 travelling next week for work. googled the nearest city and none of you are prepared to see what passes for the local style pizza. lesbianshepard Jul 24 this should be a crime lesbianshepard Jul 25 #someone needs to die for this #divorced dad type food #is the local chef a 12 year old latchkey kid? #as a new yorker im about to k J elf #abolish all prisons except one for these guys #that is a crime where I'm from #I'm anti regional food variation shaming but this is a crime man #mamma mia. #i took like a deep shuddering breath #i feel nauseous. #oh no they should be shot #literally the closest thing to anti-Italian racism the reviews are in: Pennsylvania must pay for its crimes

theaccidentfactory Follow I explained the concept of "blorbo from my shows" to my 71 year old immigrant grandfather because I referenced it in passing and I thought nothing of it, until today when he said "I think I'll watch peaky blinders tonight and see my blorbo from my shows" referring, of course, to Cillian Murphy playing Tommy Shelby theaccidentfactory English isn't his first language so he's not super in touch with modern slang, so I've been accidentally teaching him to talk like a tumblr user. His favorite thing to say lately is "me when I'm a little hater" when he's like talking s about the neighbor's son

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"Mfs can’t even boycott a chicken place"

Anonymous said Amazing how fast the 'eat the rich' left turns into corporate bootlickers the second a black elf or race-swapped redhead is dangled in front of them urbanfantasyinspiration Follow Mfs can't even boycott a chicken place

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German Shepherds

thefingerinthemiddle universalthaumaturge ... homunculus-argument The reason why german shepherds are the way they are isn't that they're stupid, they just have so much energy that they run out of smart things to do, and doing stupid s--- is infinitely better than doing nothing. They'll do the smart thing when one is available, yes, but if a german shepherd was a person, they'd be the type to make a 23-point to-do-list for a day, start working on it at 7:30 in the morning, be done with every single point on the list by noon, and then start constructing a new wall in the middle of the living room out of freeze-dried banana peels. 3.3k notes

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cringe is not an insult if you find me cringe that means i have power over you i am having a fucking blast while you are seething with vitriol at my very existence who is really winning here

cringe isnt an insult. if you find me cringe that means i have power over you. im having a f------ blast while youre seething with vitriol at my very existence. whos really winning here

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Cotton Candy

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Weird Crap Teachers' Students Have Done

astaraxia asked So today this kid yelled Nani the f---?!? in the middle of a test and I felt compelled to share this to the world. biggest-gaudiest-patronuses teachers, share the weird crap your kids have done! ralsalot I'm not a teacher (yet) but I do work with students and one of them had the nerve to look me dead in the eye and ask me "why would it be a bad idea for me to eat this entire marker?" They're 11 official-lyzzystardust An 4th grader asked for a high five by saying, "A little slappy to make daddy happy?" I did not give him a high five. myathesleepyoctopus A student during break had her head in her arms and was shaking a bit, so i asked the kid next to her whether she was laughing or crying and this 8 year old stared me in the eye deadpan and said "im crying on the inside" myathesleepyoctopus Wait i take that back, I cant believe i forgot about the time i brought in a small stuffed octopus as a class mascot because why tf not. It was a class of high schoolers and i didnt imagine theyd actually care much, but one student snuck in a snack and gave it to the octopus as a tribute. Which led to other students doing the same thing, until every day there was a pile of of offerings to Fweej the Overseer, mostly consisting of things like string cheeses and small bags of chips, but sometimes there wouldd be a couple bucks in quarters, one kid brought in some giant pocky i think, and at one point there was a cold stone gift card. This stuffed octopus gained a cult following. Later i brought in another stuffed octopus that looked exactly the same but bigger and told the class that Fweej the Overseer accepted their offerings and became stronger. These highschoolers lost their goddamn minds. shieldmaiden19 Oh my god I love this. Thank you for letting those kids be the dorks all high schoolers are. Source: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses 120,737 notes tl

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MFers really found a way to turn the slogan calling for their death into a product

Reuters @Reuters 2h REUTERS New Yorkers can take a bite out of capitalism by munching on popsicles shaped like the heads of billionaires Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Jack Ma, Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg near McCarren Park in Brooklyn idiot Visit youtube.com EAT THE RICH! r-tsn-ke $10.00 **Jeff Mschf siclet Mschf sicke they... they gentrified eating the rich Bill Gates Mschfsicle Jack Ma Machi side ELAN $10.00 MUK $10.00 Mschfsick New York wow... yeah, you're really showing how much you hate capitalism by . (checks notes) ... paying $10 for a f------ ice-cream... II. mark ZUCKERBERG $10.00

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If Batman and Spider-Man switched Rogues Galleries

galahadwilder If Batman and Spider-Man switched rogues galleries none of their villains would last more than ten minutes against the new enemy galahadwilder Batman takes down all of Spider-Man's villains with ruthless efficiency and preparation Batman's villains are all like "TAKE ME SERIOUSLY DAMMIT" and Spider-Man is like "No" azuzulira The Joker would have an intense hatred for Spider-Man because Spider-Man is actually funny galahadwilder That was the exact thought process behind this post sexycraisinthanos In Gotham: "Riddle me this-" "I like knock knock jokes better." In New York: Green Goblin is getting his ass beat by 12 orphans in spandex #i'm crying #this is amazing #batman #spider-man ... 29,051 notes

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Spocking their fivers

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Well, there's no need to be dramatic

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Come as you are

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An Idea To Prevent A Nuclear War

Law professor Roger Fisher suggested that nuclear launch codes be implanted in a volunteer's heart. The president would be required to personally take the life of an innocent person before taking the lives of hundreds of millions. srsfunny An Idea To Prevent A Nuclear War pocketrunner "My suggestion was quite simple: Put that needed code number in a little capsule, and then implant that capsule right next to the heart of a volunteer. The volunteer would carry with him a big, heavy butcher knife as he accompanied the President. If ever the President wanted to fire nuclear weapons, the only way he could do so would be for him first, with his own hands, to kill one human being. The President says, "George, I'm sorry but tens of millions must die." He has to look at someone and realize what death is-what an innocent death is. Blood on the White House carpet. It's reality brought home." - Richard Fisher, Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists (1981) north-bi-northwest Never forget that part of the reason this system was never implemented was that when he presented it to his colleagues, their response was IIRC "George, that's terrible! If he has to take an innocent life, he may never press the button."

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Tumblr - you have a very interesting vernacular. were you on tumblr in 2014?

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voidandradiance the most disorienting thing thats ever happened to me was when a linguistics major stopped in the middle of our conversation, looked me in the eye, and said, "you have a very interesting vernacular. were you on tumblr in 2014?" and i had to just stand there and process that one for a good ten seconds

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