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File 1321999849.ipg-(8 KB, 206x187, 1314158691333.jpg) O Anonymous 11/22/11(Tue)17:10:49 No.364235659 go to a restaurant for my first date with a girl pick the table closest to the bathroom so I won't have to walk too far when I go for my postprandial crap the waiter asks what we'd like to drink >she orders white wine, I ask for a banana milkshake the waiter tells me they don't serve milkshake so I ask for a bowl of icecream instead my girtfriend asks why I ordered desert I tell her I'm going to mush the icecream up and then drink it, and she's probably very impressed but doesn't show it the waiter sighs and walks away there's an awkward silence so I ask what her favorite dinosaur is >she says she doesnt know, so l inform her that mine is the pterodactyl several minutes later, after Ive finished recounting the plot of Jurassic Park 3', her wine arrives ask where my icecream is the waiter says he will bring it after weve finished our meals tut loudly but don't complain she tells the waiter that she's ready to order and asks for the lobster bisque >he turns to me no, it's okay, I brought my own food," I inform him as I place my container of spaghetti on the table he exclaims something in French and hurries off to the kitchen Anonymous 11/22/11(Tue)17:15:12 No.364236232 after a few more minutes of silence she says something, but I'm not concentrating l just laugh and say, "so true! > what the f---? You think it's funny that my dad has cancer? >l choke on my spaghetti and it sprays all over the table reactively reach over and start picking the chunks of spaghetti out of her glass of wine >she looks like she's about to throw up and runs into the bathroom >l pursue her and try to tell her that only a tiny bit got on her dress, but she won't listen >she slams the cubicle door in my face and I can hear her spewing an old woman comes out of another cubicle and screams at the sight of me >pervert! Pervert! >what? No! My girlfriend is feeling ill and I'm just checking if she's alright!" >from behind the cubicle my girlfriend shouts, "T'm not your girlfriend! the old lady whacks me around the head with her handbag the strap hits me in the eye in a moment of (literally) blind fury I yell "Shuryuken!" and lunge at her with an uppercut miss spectacularly and fall to the floor two waiters burst in and drag me into the kitchen where they tell me that after I pay I have to leave >suddenly remember I spent all my money on my new fedora >l try to make a dash for it but trip on my cape and go crashing into the lobster tank the lobsters start attacking me so I grab a shard of glass and slash them all to death everyone is horrified by the massacre I just committed and they flinch away from me as I collect my spaghetti and leave >stop in the doorway and take one last look at the havoc l'd wreaked everyone cowers in fear alpha as f---

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Uploaded by Don Dec 02, 2011 at 04:58PM EST

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FALLING SPAGHETTI
(*o) Dark Sauce: The Shrekoning I was almost nine years old I was playing Dark Souls, owning all the scrubs I kicked a noob off a cliff I falcon punched a hacker off another Nobody could withstand the almighty power of a +15 broken sword Everything was going according to plan TheyCallMeTheScrubLord.png Suddenly, out of nowhere, someone invades me at the undead burg HolyShit.gif I pull out the big guns I hide under a staircase below crates Zweihander can be seen through the wall from outer space MyBodylsReggie.bmp Suddenly, a naked red female phantom reveals herself I become confused, but also aroused She beckons me over to her I slowly make my way ogre to her Her warmth starts to consume me My d--- is currently on fire She grabs me with her powerful arm and thrusts me onto the g She whispers to herself: "The virginity is strong in this one..." She bends ogre, and prepares to go in deep Suddenly, Spaghetti violently explodes out of my pocket onto the floor It's EVERYWHERE! I tried to recover, but I got meteor smashed into oblivion The merchant started to laugh hysterically The woman proceeded to commit suicide by jumping off a cliff from sheer embarrassment WhatTheFuck.jpeg I kill the merchant's bucket I s--- all ogre the merchant I T-bag the merchant, and shove his bloody katana up his shrektum. As I leave the area, his disembodied voice could be heard > "Thank you kindly! Nehehehehe!” TheScrubLord.exe has stopped working, would you like to send an error report? I can't take this anymore... I roll and perform a tumble buff off a cliff "Only shooting stars break the mold ” >
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Uploaded Dec 02, 2011 at 04:58PM EST

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Spaghetti Stories

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4chan, greentext, greentext stories

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