Coom Meridian

Notes:

>He was just an average kid, looking for some adventure
>But when adventure finds him . . .
>*cuts to The Kid (played by Finn Wolfhard) getting woken up on his horse* Wait, what's going on?
>*Glanton (played by Adam Sandler) is shaking him "Wake up, lazy bones! We're gonna sack this village!"*
>*cuts to wide shot of the Gang approaching the village (which is notably white, so as not to anger the Native American market) as dramatic BWOMMMMS play*
>*Suddenly, the dramatic tension cuts as one of the villagers shoots an arrow at Glanton's crotch, causing him to cringe*
>*The Judge (played by The Rock in white-face, for some easily marketable controversy) winces and goes "Ooooh, right in the Toadvine!"*
>*Cormac McCarthy himself shows up to say "'Nuff said!"*
>. . . he's gonna need some friends along the way.
>THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
>This summer . . .
>*The kid yells "This desert is our home! We can't let the army take what's ours! Who's with me gang?" as everyone cheers*
>. . . the west . . .
>*shows The Kid and Toadvine (who is now played by Leslie Jones) beatboxing on their horses*
>. . . is gonna get . . .
>*shows the dancing bear beating up army goons as The Judge rides on his back with a rife*
>. . . wild!
>*music stops with a record scratch as The Judge twerks*
>*Glanton's jaw drops as The Kid goes "Awkwaaaaard"*
>BLOOD MERIDIAN, RATED PG-13 (accompanied by a cgi title screen and a guitar riff)
>*The scene cuts to black*
>*Suddenly, the scene cuts back to The Judge sitting in a saloon, when he hears a voice say "Hey Holden, I'm not through with you!"*
>*Camera turns around, showing an aged Javier Bardem reprising his role as Anton to set up the McCarthy Cinematic Universe*
>COMING JANUARY 2022