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fistinginferno jack black is literally the only human that never needs any context for me. I could see him going anywhere and doing anything. like if i got abducted by aliens and saw him just wandering around the spaceship putting bugle chips on his fingers to make it look like he has claws i would be like “that's some classic jack black right there' and not even question it

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fulgur-caligo-custodis kurlyfryz Power move: Next time you go to the airport, bring a bottle of shampoo, but it's filled with yogurt. When they tell you that liquids aren't allowed Drink it Posted in r/madlads by u/ProbablyM_S reddit

lesbianshepard Jul 24 travelling next week for work. googled the nearest city and none of you are prepared to see what passes for the local style pizza. lesbianshepard Jul 24 this should be a crime lesbianshepard Jul 25 #someone needs to die for this #divorced dad type food #is the local chef a 12 year old latchkey kid? #as a new yorker im about to k J elf #abolish all prisons except one for these guys #that is a crime where I'm from #I'm anti regional food variation shaming but this is a crime man #mamma mia. #i took like a deep shuddering breath #i feel nauseous. #oh no they should be shot #literally the closest thing to anti-Italian racism the reviews are in: Pennsylvania must pay for its crimes

theaccidentfactory Follow I explained the concept of "blorbo from my shows" to my 71 year old immigrant grandfather because I referenced it in passing and I thought nothing of it, until today when he said "I think I'll watch peaky blinders tonight and see my blorbo from my shows" referring, of course, to Cillian Murphy playing Tommy Shelby theaccidentfactory English isn't his first language so he's not super in touch with modern slang, so I've been accidentally teaching him to talk like a tumblr user. His favorite thing to say lately is "me when I'm a little hater" when he's like talking s about the neighbor's son

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Life Isn't Fair

Humpback Wihale 85 is not happy. minmo: well life just isnt f------ fair is it humpback whale 85

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Good Morning

targuzzler what if mayonnaise came in cans smeasel that would suck because you can't microwave metal... phisobi good morning to everyone except these two people

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Crabs

O slab-o-meat crabs are so gentle, they can be so kind. their claws? precise little things, so careful in the sand, so careful with food. they do what they must to live and wave their claws to express their joy to the world for giving so much to them, for giving such kindness to these creatures known as crabs. please be gentle to crabs slab-o-meat i was on. a new sleep medication last night

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Captchas

sagihairius CAPTCHA 1: check this box CAPTCHA 2: select all the rivers CAPTCHA 3: which of these tiny pictures has an apple in it CAPTCHA 4: can you find where you went wrong in your life CAPTCHA 5: select the reasons why my wife left me

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The 1904 Olympic Marathon

weaver-z Follow If you ever, and I mean EVER think that you f----- something up royally, remember that the organizers of the 1904 Olympic marathon: - Had zero stations for water on the 26 mile (42 km) course - Accidentally gave North American competitor Tom Hicks a cocktail made of egg whites, brandy, and actual f------ rat poison - Had a guy come into the race late wearing a beret and cutoff slacks, sneak into an apple orchard during the race because no food had been given to him for 40 hours, eat rotten apples, projectile vomit onto the track, fall asleep for hours, and finish in fourth place OVERALL because most of the other runners collapsed of exhaustion or injuries - Conducted the race on a dusty road, which caused so much dust to be kicked into the air that an American runner somehow inhaled enough to tear his STOMACH LINING open - Accidentally released feral dogs onto the track - F----- the other competitors up SO BADLY that Tom Hicks-the guy who ate RAT POISON and was HALLUCINATING the entire run-came in first place postmarxed Follow #me at work on wednesdays specifically

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Good Job

This guy in my political science class was watching a Bob Ross video and following along in MS Paint freshfresh666 ok honestly... this is cute akoolguy he's doing a good job

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Furniture

O catchymemes Got a live feed camera so I could see what my dogs are up to while I'm at work 2019/03/11 10:01:20 injuries-in-dust I'm gonna guess that they aren't normally allowed to sit on the furniture.

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An Insult

Christian 10 mins t The guy who scored for Algeria is called Isiam Slimani. I don't understand why parents have to push their religion onto their children like that! Like Comment Share O Lucy and Hanna like this. Paul 6 mins Like Christian 5 mins Like |Paul instructions on the heel |Yeah-You're absolutly right CHRISTIAN Why did you capitalize my name like that? OMG-You'd struggle to pour water out of a boot with the Just now Like burdenedwithgloriousassbutt: sassy-gay-justice: "You'd struggle to pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel" God DAMN thats some Shakespearean s--- right there your url makes this even more beautiful

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Rewards

ravenslunas i hate how reward systems never work for me like i can't just say "if i finish this assignment i can have a cookie" bc my brain is like ".or u could just have one right now" and i can't argue with that logic truestoriesaboutme Self-imposed deadlines don't work either because I know the guy who set them and he's full of s---

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Crikey

REI tilthat Follow TIL In a similar way to "shoot" and "darn" being inoffensive substitutes for harsh swear words, the Australian exclamation "Crikey," made world famous by Steve Irwin, is shorthand for "Christ kill me" via reddit.com canadiangold Follow related: blimey - shortened from cor blimey - is shorthand for "Lord blind me" headspace-hotel Follow Steve Irwin was asking to be killed by god

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The More You Know

vampireapologist Just found out moose can dive as deep as 20 feet (6m) for aquatic vegetation. Can you imagine like, being a diver, and you're 20 feet underwater, it's murky, and you run into a moose A MOOSE!!!! gallusrostromegalus This is, by the way, one of the reasons that a regular predator of the moose is the orca whale.

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A Classic

traceexcalibur apparently, evangelical cartoonist Jack Chick passed away last night let us remember him by taking a moment to laugh once again at this classic There is no God! True. It's up to you, Tyler. Evolution does away with morals! Right, Mama? Wow, Anything goes! I can lie, cheat. So, how do I know what's right or what's wrong? What's to keep me from becoming a god?

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+19

Tumblr - Jack Black

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fistinginferno jack black is literally the only human that never needs any context for me. I could see him going anywhere and doing anything. like if i got abducted by aliens and saw him just wandering around the spaceship putting bugle chips on his fingers to make it look like he has claws i would be like “that's some classic jack black right there' and not even question it

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