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General Trudeau: As I write this, our supply of hockey pucks with which to bombard the enemy has dwindled. Our assumption that most enemy combatants would shoot themselves in the foot, while accurate, isn’t enough to sustain us. Please send more pucks. #s
Uploaded by Matt Jul 03, 2018 at 12:30PM EDT
@sjredmond civilwar second civil war letters #secondcivilwarletter
Origin Entry: Second Civil War
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#secondcivilwarletters Dearest, Our unit came upon a burned kek camp. Only later did we learn they had set themselves aflame with gasoline and fireworks. Somehow, this was to "own the libs". I do not understand war.
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My Immortal Beloved: I am trapped behind enemy lines and I fear many of the horrific atrocities we presumed to be merely urban legends are indeed true. They eat Miracle Whip and Ted Nugent has fans. Pray for us. Jeb #secondcivilwarletters
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My Dearest Children, We have managed to capture and occupy the Chick-fil-a and Hobby Lobby. Our intention is to make the enemy eat gay sandwiches and do gay crafts. With much love, Your libtard mother #SecondCivilWarLetters
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Dear sister, Spirits were low in the medic tent as supplies of probiotics and arnica dwindle. But the arrival of Drag Battalion AF with glitter cannons has given us hope for tomorrow. We ride at dawn. #secondcivilwarletters
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Dear Wife, Today we stormed the Extreme Pollution Agency. Alas, the villainous General Pruitt was nowhere to be found. But we seized his secret phone booth. After it is displayed for the patriots to view, it will be sold for war reparations. Your Johnni
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My dear husband, I've been captured by Gens Collins &Murkowski, who keep saying they're on my side, but I have a feeling they'll turn on me in the end. The covfefe here is terrible. Yours everlastingly, Jane #secondcivilwarletters
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Dearest: We suspended our Pokémon Go siege & sought shelter inside Cinepolis. We’ve been forced to endure Jurassic World for what seems like days. Not even Chris Pratt can cheer us and they’re out of sushi. I fear I may never be happy again. War is hell
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My Dear John, The war isn't going as planned. Our supply trucks are limited. I'm out of wine and sunscreen. The enemy burned all the books and there is no place to recharge my Kindle. The only music is an old CD of Justin Bieber. - All is lost. #secon
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Dammit. I didn't get the Civil War memo. Must've been too busy living in reality to see this. If you watch Alex Jones, does your IQ diminish all at once, or does it gradually disappear? Is 2nd hand stupid a thing? So many questions.
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