I second the bumper sticker idea | Tumblr | Know Your Meme

darxx magnusass May 21st 2014, 7:38:30 pm 16 hours ago Source: yoquinto harblkun: despairsfortune asexualrogers: opiwhalestreet yoguinto: okay but a story about an asexual pirate who gets made fun of by the crew until he saves all of them from sirens A pirate for the adventure, not the booty Asexual Pirates are not interested in your booty. oh my god i want that on a bumper sticker CAN NOTI Trying to pilot a ship here. Thanks. 222,360 notes

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pirate asexual siren

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homunculus-argument My theory is that ghosts get their energy by sucking the oil out of door hinges. That's how you know a place is haunted. Because the doors creak, even if you've just oiled them. The ghosts suck the oil out.

kaijuno Follow Are you tired? Come scream with us, at the bog meetings every half moon at 3 a.m. Blaze 9,247 notes D

thx Follow call out post HELLO??? IS ANYONE THERE???????? achivement-unlocked Achievement unlocked! Hello world! Is anyone there..? #I intend for you to read this in the portal turret voice. ok goodbye #normal gameplay 104,032 notes D

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bleating noises indicating indignation

digivolvin: last night i dreamed that scientists used a really bad picture of me to prove humans are closely related to goats and i was so insulted i woke up Source: digivolvin

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Best birth method ever

o just-shower-thoughts Blowing a dandelion is basically you helping a weed e--------. jpfinch1 I was having a good day. We were all having a good day. churchyardgrim I mean it's kind of not, seeds aren't analogous to sperm, hell, pollen isn't analogous to sperm, plants don't do dimorphic gametes like that. a better analogy would be firing a couple dozen fully-formed babies from a tshirt cannon joshpeck all hail the baby cannon Source: just-shower-thoughts 302,169 notes

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Can't talk, need drink

haviary the fact that the Russian language doesn't have articles makes me go ???222???????? because in a native English speaker's head it sounds like a hilarious shitpost type thing so when you ask someone Тде водка?" it translates to "Where is the vodka?" but in my horrible backwards english brain if I don't see any articles I assume they aren't there, so yelling "ГДЕ ВОДКА" translates to "WHERE VODKA" like some kind of drunken maniac who you definitely should not give vodka to leupagus Speaking as a Russian-American who speaks the language and knows a fair share of Russian-Russians, even if Russians did have articles they would still slam open the door yelling "WHERE VODKA at all times. Source: haviary 52,391 notes

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Wild alternate reality

supersoftly solaire-kyun wouldn't it be crazy if sex was real and not just a made up hentai thing Source: solaire-kyurn 2,734 notes

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Me, holding you at scanner-point in a dark alleyway Hello, sir/madam, would you like to donate to my cause today?

hi would you like to donate $1 to charity today is it for, like.. dogs? ah no, its actually or children in need NOW IF IT WERE FOR DOGS I WOULDN'T HAVE ANY PROBLEM WITH WHAT, YOU DON'T HATE KIDS????? You' re aski no rne if i hate HOMELESS KIDS??? yo-its-matt TODAY IN RETAI next time you can just keep it at "no thanks" failsports Honestly it is quite hard to keep to ourselves how much we hate kids. yo-its-matt @failsports it really f----- isnt failsports @yo-its-matt apparently it's easier to do than all the people who complain that people don't like kids. This jerk of a woman was just doing her shopping to be fair. The problem here is charity mugging not disliking kids or not. "CHARITYMUGGING

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I'll just say this: Imagine if Cartman was a girl. Would any of us like her?

lochnessmonster Why don't we get more women written in the "lovable a------" character type bojanglesrph because people call them "bitches" an-actual-lion He loves his tea

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"The idea that people have somehow become more absurd due to the existence of the internet never ceases to amuse me."

Why do 18th century Englieh paintinge have so many squirrels in them, and how did they tame them so that they wouldn't bite the painter? 10.76 Inquiry at desk.. Nov. 1948 Can I get a book telling me how to be mistress of ceremonies at a musical o---?" ariety within 5 minutes on telephone: Name of Napoleon's horse of opening of baaobail season in .Y. Date of opening of baseball season in N.Y. Books on human spontaneous combustion Who were the Seven Sutherland Sisters? Telephone call mid-afternoon New Year s Day, 1967: Somewhat uncertain female voice: "I have two questions. The first is sort of an etiquette one. I wentto a New Year's Eve party and unexpectedly stayed over. I don't really know the hosts. Ought I to send a thank-you note? Second, when you meet a fellow and you know he's worth twen- ty-seven million dollars because that's what they told me, twenty-seven illion, and you know his nationality, how do you find out his name?" as 1/2/67 hoodlock digg: This is what people asked the library before Google. (via) The idea that people have somehow become more absurd due to the existence of the internet will never cease to amuse me. I want to know the rest of the story of that lady who had the wild New Year's Eve.

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Because this is absolutely how sexual dimorphism works

ilots

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A tumblr page says a lot about a person

eiffeled A person's tumblr tells a lot about them. It shows what kind of images they see in their head, who they love, who they hate, even what they think about other people topherchris

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Beethoven's 9th symphony speedrun

Doug Mataconis @dmataconis That's not how this works That's not how any of this works. An orchestra of 120 players takes 40 minutes to play Beethoven's 9th Symphony. How long would it take for 60 players to play the symphony? 5. Let P be number of players and T the time playing. 5:06 PM 09 Oct 17 7,833 Retweets 13.4K Likes bitsow 4800 players, Beethoven's 9th Symphony Speedrun kaijuno its not even music anymore it's just a shockwave that kills you instantly

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Fuck everything I want to be a birb

thunderthighz biggest-gaudiest-patronuses adulthood is a scam i want to be a crow babylunapea I'm not even an adult and I want to be a crow biggest-gaudiest-patronuses The desperation only grows with years everythingunderthesky Be the crow you wish to see in the world -Collect Shiny Things -Hop happily down the street for no apparent reason Scream loudly when you see your friends biggest-gaudiest-patronuses What an incredibly inspiring addition thank you Source: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

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White people amirite

$33rofheart willfosho s33rofheart does a qualified white person want to explain to me what the f--- this means????????????? You see white people hibernate in square formation to protect their crops for winter. thanks

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