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aintnobodygotmoneyfodat: loudest noises -dad sneezes -mom yells -trying to get a pot out of the pot cupboard -dropping the shampoo bottle in the shower -flushing the toilet at 3am in the morning -IMAX

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fulgur-caligo-custodis kurlyfryz Power move: Next time you go to the airport, bring a bottle of shampoo, but it's filled with yogurt. When they tell you that liquids aren't allowed Drink it Posted in r/madlads by u/ProbablyM_S reddit

lesbianshepard Jul 24 travelling next week for work. googled the nearest city and none of you are prepared to see what passes for the local style pizza. lesbianshepard Jul 24 this should be a crime lesbianshepard Jul 25 #someone needs to die for this #divorced dad type food #is the local chef a 12 year old latchkey kid? #as a new yorker im about to k J elf #abolish all prisons except one for these guys #that is a crime where I'm from #I'm anti regional food variation shaming but this is a crime man #mamma mia. #i took like a deep shuddering breath #i feel nauseous. #oh no they should be shot #literally the closest thing to anti-Italian racism the reviews are in: Pennsylvania must pay for its crimes

theaccidentfactory Follow I explained the concept of "blorbo from my shows" to my 71 year old immigrant grandfather because I referenced it in passing and I thought nothing of it, until today when he said "I think I'll watch peaky blinders tonight and see my blorbo from my shows" referring, of course, to Cillian Murphy playing Tommy Shelby theaccidentfactory English isn't his first language so he's not super in touch with modern slang, so I've been accidentally teaching him to talk like a tumblr user. His favorite thing to say lately is "me when I'm a little hater" when he's like talking s about the neighbor's son

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Why would anyone watch this show instead of porn?

iahfy nikoniko808+ starweilder: trying to figure out someone else's shower NAKED Source: starweilder #fav 368,770 notes

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I don't know, that sounds like something out of Jojo to me

outofcontextjojo Thinking on it now, the first dude to look at semen through a microscope must've been like Yoooooo0 #PFFFT #wrong blog #non-jojo 150 notes

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What a sad shark

dO YOU EVEr SAY SOMETHING AS A JOKE AND IT ACCIDENTALLY HURTS SOMEONE'S FEELINGS AND YOU'RE JUST LIKE 134,507 notes Reblogged 21 hours ago from apochedgie (originally from morgrana) Source: morgrana

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Man, that guy Pythagoras must be fun at parties

historical-nonfiction: A Pythagorean cup looks like a normal drinking cup, except that the bowl has a central column in it. It was supposedly invented by Pythagoras of Samos (yes, that one). It allows the user to fill the cup with wine up to a certain level. If the user fills only to that level, the imbiber may enjoy a drink in peace. If, however, the user gets greedy, the cup dumps all the wine into the unfortunate victim's lap Pythagoras sounds like a real a------.

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Happens All the Time, I Even Turn Into the Baboon...

may when you're trying to confirm time sensitive plans with a friend and they're not answering paleosteno Source: may

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Bearrorists

nunown trans-hank-hill: This commercial for Charmin Ultra-Strong has horrifying implications. The fact that there is a security checkpoint for the bear airport (or should I say, bearport) implies that there are certain bears who have malicious intent to blow up the bearplanes. There are bearrorists in this universe that aspire to destroy things that these ass-wiping mammals hold near and dear that bear is naked

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Are you saying that without this product, we send them to insect heaven?

0 AlenInsect Hell THE WORLD OF SWISS APINE CLUB PASECO … PASECO 전격 살충기 5 45000 42000 다슬기수경 3,300 leorizanzel Why just kill the bugs on your porch when you can send them straight to Insect Hell?

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And then the teacher has to yell to shut them up (moreso in middle/high school)

codeinewarrior kengriffey-jr: this is like when the power is out and so you all gotta sit around the th the flashlight just talki comes back or when there's a storm outside and the lights go out in class and everyone starts screaming

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AND OUR SUN SETTER COSTS UNDER $700

short-broody-gay: gemghosts: blanketsandanime: Only Americans will understand: Sun setter retractable awning infomercial IT MAKES OUR PATIO ABOUT 20 DEGREES COOLER THE SUN USED TO MAKE OUR OUTDOOR DECK AND PATIO SPACE SO HOT AND UNCOMFORTABLE, WE COULDN'T USE IT

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That's why you need to fill the condom with molasses, it gives you a few precious inches

ify ulaughpope-oprah twinking girl: deeper!!!! boy: CocaCola Sof zero ou PUSH Coct 338,538 notes

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Where's the Colonel when you need them?

cremisiUs an imaginary person named deez nuts polled 9% on an actual presidential poll and it was reported nationwide and people have to be told not to write him in and throw away their vote because it might mean donald f------ trump, a man who everyone hates with a toupee that looks like it was photoshopped on, actually does get elected because he is actually running oh and despite a general lack of recent campaigning, let us not forget wocka flocka flame also very much did declare his candidacy. wocka flocka f------ flame and then, amongst this political farce, banksy is building a theme park. a real, actual theme park. a man who became famous originally due to his street art. is building a theme park. can you think of a single thing less street art than a f------ theme park??? how many people have signed off on this?????? how much money??? f------ also there is a website where people can vote on the names for planets outside our solar system and some are legit sounding and some are like?? "descending fish" or whatever??? actual planets in actual space what the f--- oh, right, and then in the only political news that seems like a genuinely good idea ive heard in months, there was that whole thing where, due to how dismally bad their economy has been for so long, they have started a kickstarter for the country of greece. that sounds so fakel that doesn't sound like a real thing none of these do they sound like onion articles but when i heard about it i was like that's a great idea i hope it works bc i've got a friend in greece and i know how bad it is there and it's not getting the attention it needs at this point i feel like no news item could surprise me, you could be like florida has literally broken off of the continent due to popular vote and is now chillin with the bahamas and it is messing up the american economy which secretly is heavily reliant on citrus export and the daytona 500" and id be like sure that sounds reasonablel absolutelyl i'd believe if if scientists were like "new study proves that birds control the weather" at this point and it would probably not be the weirdest s--- i heard that week when the f--- did our universe start being a performance art piece co- written by monty python and the firesign theatre Like Comment

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It speaks for itself

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+81

Tumblr - You could also add "silverware/certain pieces of food stuck in the garbage disposal" to the list.

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aintnobodygotmoneyfodat: loudest noises -dad sneezes -mom yells -trying to get a pot out of the pot cupboard -dropping the shampoo bottle in the shower -flushing the toilet at 3am in the morning -IMAX

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