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Greentext Stories - Image Gallery Page 2

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Image #825,453

| Anonymous (ID: telOMIA ) 06/29/14(Sun)18:16:39 No.553871 680 >>553873 1 07ー5538731 47-438732962-553873949 >>553876857 >-553877 152 2255387 1871-2553872032끄553872038)2553 8722 172255387 >Be 12, living with abusive uncle and auntie >We lived on an old farm, no animals just fields My uncle goes off to a market and comes back with this filthy ass horse >Says it's bred from some old bloke's prize stallion Auntie loves it for some reason, coz it's all muddy she calls it "Dirty" She was a bit f----- up like that , being a countryside f--, liked horses and riding them >Then they turned on me saying If we ever catch you riding our f------ horse then we will beat the living shot out of you" >They meant it, they'd done it before >Few days later, I'm messing in the fields with some old tractor tire I found >Dirty is just eating grass and s--- next to me Auntie and uncle come out every few minutes to make sure I'm not riding the horse >Get bored and climb inside the tire >Tire starts moving (field wasn't flat) >Can't stop. >Auntie and uncle come outside to check on me >They see me rollin >They hatin >Patrolling >Trying to catch me riding Dirty

Image #816,200

thejourneytonirvana ilmotel: enadams: today at work i let someone into a dressing room and they said "thanks" and half of me tried to say "you're welcome" and the other half tried to say "no problem" and i ended up saying "your problem" Anonymous 12/07/11 (Wed)16:28 No.5220706 Reposting my all time favorite greentext. playing soccer in gym ball is up in the air >think I'm gonna be awesome and air kick it into the goal try miss bal >kick goalie in the face stry to ask "Are you okay? and "I'm f------ sorry." at the same time instead end up yelling "ARE YOU F------ SORRY1? goalie is choking back tears this post had me in tears

/pol/ learns the difference between Woman's Studies and Statistics

ile: 1382982162628 lpg-(23 KB. 290x290, 41.jpg)四eo College stories. Anonymous凧10/28/13(Mon)13:42 UTC-4 No.22312308 2231278 22312879 22313459 2231391322314018 22314077 22315090 Replies: 223125602222312696 College stories time? TRANSPHOBE BIGOT MURDERER, CIS-SCUM > Taking a statistics class > Professor giving a harmless example to explain a mathematical concept > "Say you are trying to reconstruct a survey pool to a bi-variate or multi-variate model from a uni-variate one, it helps if your new questions are in line with your operational definitions. So for example ask all the participants whether they are male or female and then CRAMPS STILL THERE > Random manatee just yells out" but what about non-CIS people? > Professor gives a blank look at this student and says " that's for trannies and heshes right? Well > Manatee stands up and says " No, it is for all sexually oppressed people and the misunderstood and it is a way of fighting patri > Professor interrupts. "Well its irrelevant, base it on their self-identification and move along, this question is supposed to just establish a correlation to ensure your data collection isn't flawed, since a person will be male or female before and after an event you are testing as your independent variable" > Manatee stands up and is now screaming. " So people cannot change their minds now? What sort of world do you live in where that is acceptable?" > Cont Replies:2231240422312411 22312475 22312692231278622 Anonymous10/28/13(Mon)13:44 UTC-4 No.22312343 >22314292 22314351 > Professor is visibly stunned at the stupidity of this conversation. "Acceptable or not the numbers involved make it insignificant at this point in time, a footnote will suffice, no need to build a new model or make a big deal out of it or any >Manatee is now flailing her arms around( which throws the arm fat around like jello) and begins her monlouge. "You should just be more sensitive and you can put an operational model and be more accurate and not have to marginalize a huge section of society like what if you asked people their race and they were offended and how is it not a big deal if its not a big deal why make it such a big deal on the tables if it's not a big deal it's not a big accommodation right then and..." > At this point her face is Red and she is visibly winded > Professor shouts at the top of his lungs. "If you are incapable of understanding this basic tool of elementary statistics which a middle schooler could understand and you would rather bitch about how unjust the world is I suggest you go to the Women's Studies department so you can get academic backing to your victimization complex >Manatee waddles out of the room with a single s-- >Class breaks out laughing as soon as she is out the door > Based Professor continues to teach > Next week's lecture rolls around > Manatee shows up with a gaggle of cheerleaders > Cont Anonymous A 10/28/13(Mon)13:50 UTC-4 No.22312548 0 Replies: >-223125862-22312589 >22314445 22314481 22315182 2231548422316396 22316775 22317110 >22314349 >they start yelling at the professor to check his privilege >he calls the campus police to come arrest them >while we're waiting for the police they start throwing pens at him >the police come and wrangle them out of the room and close the door on the way out >we think it's over but the hambeast manages to break free >she opens the door >she gets on the floor >everybody walk the dinosaur Anonymous 10/28/13(Mon)13:52 UTC-4 No.223 12604 ] Replies: >>22312668>>22312694>>223126962-223127802-22312786 >>22312798>>2231281 32-22312879 >22313312 22313816 22313861 22314018 22314646 22315083 > Before lecture starts Manatee walks to the front of the class with her cheerleading posse >Manatee turns to the professor and the 5 people up front hold hands > 1 is the most flamboyant male homosexual I can imagine > 1 is the fattest most Gothic lesbian I can imagine with ear-gauges that look authentically Ethiopian > 1 is an obvious trap > 1 is a butch flat-chested d--- with spiky hair > Professor just smirks and says Did you need directions to the women's study department ? > The cheerleaders sit there stunned > Professor lectures them. "Just because you are marginalized doesn't entitle you to s---. You live in a developed country with the right to be as much of a freak and social outcast. However bad outside censorship there is no censorship worse than self censorship, and you don't experience either. Everybody self-censors themselves because they don't want to hurt your feelings about just how annoying and intransigent you really are but luckily I am a tenured professor and if professors can stay on after r--- accusations I can handle a bunch of wannabe Social-Justice warriors now either sit down or head to the women's study department and cry to them about how terrible math is"> > Manatee waddles to the back of the class defeated, her cheerleader troop leaves class without saying a word So this really brightened up my day and restored a bit of faith in humanity How was your day /pol/?

Image #810,192

Anonymous 12/09/11(Fri)20:43:06 No.675753 >Middle school >Pretty normal kid named Lewis >Average number of friends, not too weird, not too smart, you get the idea >Get assigned project on future careers >His turn >He leaves the room >Comes back with a box >There are hundreds of turtles in the box >Literally hundreds >He trips >The box spills >Little turtles f------ everywhere >What the actual f--- >He starts FREAKING. OUT. about the turtles escaping >Literally bursts into tears >His dad is a herpetologist and they're his turtles >Lewis stole the turtles >None of the turtles escape because they're turtles, we just pick them up and put them back it's not like they can run fast >Teacher tells me to take him to the office so they can call his dad and pick up the turtles >He wont stop crying >Actually has a seizure on the way to the office >Spills turtle box again, all down the stair well >Falls down the stairs with them >Splits his scalp open, hits his face >Turtles and blood everywhere have to run up and down three flights of stairs and collect the turtles while Lewis is unconscious Teachers later ask me why I helped the turtles and not Lewis. I still don't know.

Image #810,190

File: 1371922563634.ipg-(769 KB, 2849x3474, Theodore Roosevelt laughing.jpg) Anonymous (ID: Q6RIFYsi) 06/22/13(Sat)13:36:03 No.488565345 Reples:ー88565738 >Be me >Be 16 >New school, introduced to class >Meet guy who is an a------, let's call him Shitgut >Shitgut tries to start bullying me >Be alpha and resist >Don't make many friends, don't need them >Notice Shitgut bullies other kids >Decide to f--- him up >Figure where his locker is >Wait until school is over, follow him home from a safe distance, unseen >Mark down where he lives, GTFO >Find out he does hockey, figure out where his ice rink is, and what time he trains >Spend six months practically stalking that f---, making sure I don't get caught >Map out where he is at any time, at all times >Then proceed to phase two, buy a pineapple >On a day I get off school earlier than he does, bike to his house and leave the pineapple at the door >His parents ain't home for hours, seen by nobody >He tells people about the pineapple tomorrow, nobody cares Two weeks later, sneak a pineapple at the ice rink, in the men's dressing room >People think he's making it up Start buying a pineapple on a regular basis, always have it ready when opportunity strikes >Hallway empty, pick his locker and leave a pineapple >His motorbike is unwatched, leave a pineapple >He doesn't mention the pineapples to anyone anymore >Figure out where they keep his home's spare key >Skip school, sneak into his home while his parents work Leave a pineapple on his bec >Hear he's failing classes >His parents put up a security camera, I figure the blind spot and dodge that s--- >Send him a f------ pineapple for christmas through the mail from a fake address He doesnt show up to school every day anymore >Don't even think about why I do it anymore, it's just for s---- and giggles now >Bombard that f--- with random pineapples every few weeks for two f------ years School year ends, finish school Go to college like a boss >Come back home for the holidays >Hear someone from my old school had had a pani sIt's Shitgut Someone had left a f------ pineapple on the beer shelf c attack at the grocery store

Image #810,115

371239875638 ipg-(12 KB, 355x256, ImDaBestMayne.jpg) □ Anonymous (ID YfQ110Hc) 06/14/13(Fri) 15:57:55 No 487006667 How did you manage to get back with your girlfriend?? >Be 22 >Dumped by 7/10 >Little to no contact now >7/10 used to bring her siberian husky pup, Roscoe, to my house daily >3 months later Lightbulb.png >Devise plan to kidnap Roscoe while she is at work >Kidnap Roscoe DEED IT >Hugs and kisses. He's missed me >See on Fbook she posted her dog has runaway >Don't comment >Going according to my plan >Hangout with Roscoe for a few days >Call 7/10 Roscoe just showed up at my house!l >She shows up in tears and thanks me You're welcome. It was really good to see Roscoe...a-a-and you. >Smiles, hugs me and leaves. >F---, I have to try again >Wait another week >Kidnap Roscoe again >Once more, call her with the good news. >She show's up while Roscoe and I are playing in the yard > Wow he must really miss you I guess, Anon > Heh, yeah, I have missed him too.. >He's not the only one who's missed you… >Kiss the bitch and ask her to stay >MFW I got my girlfriend back by kidnapping her dog

Image #807,364

Anonymous 03/09/13(Sat)23:22 No.1 80129220 Replies. 0129365 File: 1362889335672 ng-(57 KB, 390x390, 1360800707207.png) 18012gsee-en eet -2012esu girlfriend's birthday coming up >decide to hide under a cardboard box while dressed as Snake at home and pop out and say happy birthday because she likes Metal Gear Solid get ready, get the costume, even get a little more toned cause why not it's the day tell her I have overtime, won't get home late hide in my box, she comes in like 20 minutes later, doesn't notice me >aww s--- here we go hear her say my name no reply >tries again sno reply >here Ig- >hear her say "oh good, he isn't home" >decide to hold off, want to hear what she has to say >hear dialing, assume she's on her phone "oh hey tyson, he's not here, wanna come over? okay, 7 minutes? great." longest 7 minutes of my life waiting to know who this tyson is, still under the box >hear door open to make a long story short, there's flirting and s--- and her complimenting his "thick, b---------" and next thing you know they're f------ on my table >and I'm still in this box dressed as Solid Snake >decide enough's enough, pop out of the box suddenly realize how awkward this is, some bald black guy is balls deep in my girlfriend they just stop and stare at me as I announce "It's Showtime!" >black guy chases me out of my own house

repost?

#105543-roliga ONLINE (1 hour ago) -1 Flag Hide Hide All -Fav (1) Edit Image Reply nstalled Skyrim sex mod for the lulz over two months ago >Never figure out how to use it >Forgot about it completely >Play Skyrim for the first time in almost a month >Accidentally steal tomato out of Whiterun stall >Guard comes up with the usual "Crimes again'st Skyrim" crap >Notice new speech option "Maybe I can find some... other way to pay for this crime >Didn't know what it was so I clicked on it >Clothes come off of me and guard both with fully erect penises NO NO GOD NO NO GOD WHY NO >Girlfriend turns around after hearing two guys groaning extremely loudly >All she see is two burly ass Nords F------ THE S--- out of each other POKER FACE in the middle of Whiterun with the children of Whiterun frolicking playing around in the background My girlfriend now has the biggest black mail on me and there's nothing I can do about it.

Karma

Story time /bl. Feel free to contriboot wl your own similar stories summer of 2008 'm 14 years old >Dad wants me to get a summer job swtf how do i do that at age 14 >pretty sure it's illegal >anyway l ask my neighbors if I could dog sit while theyre on vacation >this is all just to please my dad >definitely dont want to do this s--- >their dog is as old as me -14 >big ass labrador >thing looks like its three steps from deaths door >3 days into their vacation >i unlock the door to their apartment Pits f------ dead call Jim and ask what to do with it >he says take it to a vet who's just down like 4 blocks >THE VET FOR A DEAD DOG tell him how idiotic that sounds they anticipated it and made plans to get it cremated >question is >how do i get this big f------ lab down 6 flights of stairs and 4 blocks down the street without having people see me carrying this dead dog don't have a car or license >Jim tells me to put it in his daughters luggage that was left behind >so i stuff this s--- covered dog into the suitcase realize it has a broken f------ set of wheels >so i'm carrying this s--- down the stairs >heavy as hell for my 14 year old body >get to the 3rd floor >some dudebro asks if i need help >dont want him to question the luggage sor seeing the dead dog if it opens or some s--- >he insists and helps me carry it down >ask what it is >make up some b------- that its electronics >some sort of speaker system those are heavy right? swe get to the first floor >he lifts it up on his shoulders and bolts >had to call Jim and explain that his pink luggage and dead dog got stolen because some guy thought it was speakers cant even imagine his face when he opened that s---

Image #790,927

File Just wanted to share my story since I have nobody to talk to. It may take me a long time to write it but I hope at least one person reads it This is my frst post rhere·ter haang lurked snce forever l was responsible for taking care of my paralyzed father since I was 9 my older siblings were all able to enjoy sports/social interactions and got to go out but I HAD to stay in me and my father were really close and I didn't think anything was wong with taking care of him 에 literally batheated/clothed/medicated and handled al of his tnances and everything while gowing up my mom helped but she had to work l am not socially retarded 1 just dont have any incentive to do anything now and lament interacting because I don't undarstand how dad died 3 years ago othing with my life work go home and don't talk to say they are al mad that my dad leit me mostly everything 汌finally start going out after work we stat im 22 and Iterally have never had a girfriend since I spent 16 hours a day caning for my dad+school+ working whle growing up me and this girl start going out she is a genuine 10/10 first relationship so literally just taking it slow and just doing things how my dad told me it goes see knows how I grew up and took joy in teaching me the ropes peventually one night we have sex and its un as f--- we move in together at 14 months 07/10/14(Thup03 30 43 No 555770254 msnitee-samm ol visit my dads gravestone often and just talk to himm suddenly I get a call from my mom whle at the cemetery one time >Your oldest brother has been in a car accident please help us out with medical stutf please l will halp them since its what my dad would have wanted call gf she isnt >leave her 교 text that I will be home late square everything away tel the hospital I will help pary for we his insurance didn't pick up she othay see me and start asking me WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR DAUGHTER what do you mean I texted her I would be here did she maybe tell you guys I got in an accident she ends up dying to pay for his care suicide drink heavily for a few months dont know what I am going to do with my Ife my brother somehow f----- me with the utimate batrayal my mom says it my fault because my cheating f------ girfriend got my brother killed somahow if I didnt date her thay would have never met etc etc etc now family goes from passive aggressive to Im drunk right now somy I should have note padded but I dont think I could stand writing the whole thing out without bawing on this f------ train and everyone looking at me like I am a mad man ánaly decide I am going to just gat away from everything and hopefully die off in some tar away country basically a combat medic who gets attached to random special forces units when they need me or l stay attached to my main unt lind of just foating around all over Aighanistan doing things being a medic and s--- basically a glorifed nurse with a gun bover one bbq and drinking night we had around year 4 I basically tell my story to everyone eventually everyone starts looking out for me and s--- since I am known to have pulled some crazy stuss like pulling 3 guys up a mountainside while being fired at by enemy snipers/rifeman and I didn't really care othey think I am a crazy m----------- and siways make sure I have things I need at our base guys tell their wives to send me from tobasco/drink mixes/seasonings just really cool s--- that makes lving in the desert much more bearable othey al live in texas and want me to move there if we all get out out of the 4 of us who were really close 2 died in the line of duty /1 killed himself when he got home 2 years ago its just me and I moved to texas in honor of them l stay in contact with their tamilies and my best fhiands famly adopted ma kind of me to famly events hrst feeling aside from my squad where I feel accepted promise his mother that no matter what happens they can always rely on me if they EVER need anythng and i 100% mean it sher husband got sick for like 8-9 months and I took care of everything around the house for them trees/helped her out with bils beventually a productive member of this local town in texas enjoy helping the local city goup with setting up things around town like festivals and s--- a bunch of olderlyounger sons of older guys group up and always setup booths/build the stages and iterally just a bunch of dudes who meet up drink and handle all the manly handyman work for the town 1.5 years pass ike this have random flings with local girls thruout this time just enjoy the lietle things in life no mom calls me her husband died and she needs me now at the hosptal make sure she has everything easy and can just mourn -me and her 26 year old daughter are s she admits to having a crush on ma whan I first got hare but always fet shy about talking to me bone day a few months after everything her mom calls me and tells me she found a bin of letters from my best fiend to her husband wants me to go pick them up and read them since a few were about me and had a letter from her husband to me my best friend cahin who died told them all about me while I was over there how I took care of him when he got shrapnel in his ass and made sure he was taken care of before I just dissppeared into another unit I got attached to tals about how he thinks god brought me back to his unit because I am now his groups medic and nobody had died since I got there tels them about how he wishes he could have had a brother Ike m 01 22 No 555774294トーrmwimms12 to get them to sent them a picture of our whole unit cooking come meat and smiling and s--- while we were over thene him me and 1 of the other guys who became great friends are in our bdu's and just have s--- eating grins on our faces while our 4th bro is on crutches with his head wrapped in gauze smiling in an apron stels them Il am taking care of everyone worry eventually get to his last note he actuaily had on him when he died To mom, dad,sis and anon (if we didn't get blown up together haha) I just want to let you guys know I am sormy I can't even write what he wrate or I will really lose my s--- sufice to say it was his reason for enlisting/hoping he made his family proud and his dreams for his sister/ and a personal thank you for me eventually thank god for everything that happened in my life resize the promise we made on a mountainside while nearly dying meant the world to this man realize my seish reason for joining may have been the best thing to happen to me ends up staying over at my place cuz she was drunk we end up lond of owhat would her brother think kind of not sure what to do ends up leading to this last month she wants to be together togather s about she says she will give me time to think about it but f I don't want to try anything to lat har know so she can move on svisit my dads grave site let him know about my life and cry a bit l call her house number to see if she would see me wel she tells me to leave hotel and stay with an old lady to make her happy realize how much she reminds me of my real dad every second with her eventually word gets around I am back two brothers and mom drive to grandmas house and try to threaten me they are going to beat my ass l don't really care since they have no idea I have Iiterally bean soldiering for the last 8 years + hard manual labor in teocas all fat and just in don't want to start anything so just take their verbal taunts and shi stells me they hate me and know I didn't amount to s--- eventualy come to 3 days ago I make sure my grandmas house is al fixed up beflore I leave repainted everything for her cut a bunch of frewood I did yard work just made sure she was good to go for when winter hits for her -glad that at least someone in my real famly appreciated me aside from my dad she tells me she is so proud I managed to gat out of the town and make it somahow o head back to don't want to use fee fights and want to visit my other friend in California who died and pass thru/visit his miitary grave not sure guys really like this wamen (my fiend's sister) I just feel like somehow the betrayal that was given to me by my brother would be repeated f I did anything inappropriate with her. She is a wonderful person and reminds me so much of him its scary. He was the only (aside from my mlitary friends) I ever had in my ife since I had no childhood If god gave me the option of making sure her got home instead of me I would in an instant kll myser so he would have made t back to his tamily f it wasn't for him I would never have made it back I think On some levels even though I may have physicaly saved him mutiple times and him me I feel like meeting his famly was my ultimate sahvation For the first time ever I felt what it was ike to enjoy a thanksgiving meal with people who I truly felt thankful for I made a bunch of new friends and interact with the communty now er moing to his town Yet Ifeel so tom between making somathing out of his sister and me and honoring his memory

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