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Ron Paul 2008

Anonymous (ID: CINHW8YS) 06/24/14(Tue)00:32:23 No.552734235 rent a convertible sports car and a parachute >get your favorite handgun and shoot it in the air around a police station >high speed chase ensues lead the police into the desert and wait for media choppers >itstime.jpg tie parachute cord around your neck and throw a brick on the gas >deploy parachute, snapping your neck and simultaniously dragging vyour lifeless body into the air behind the car >parasail across the desert until your car dies Bonus points if the parachute says Ron Paul 2008 Bonus points if wearing assless fursuit

Checkout

File: 13883050298 (15 KB, 239x175, big fat whale.png) □ Anonymous 12/29/13(Sun)03:17 No.24285383 Replies: >224285440 2224285451 2224285487 %2428 sbe me scashier at Walgreens >s----- job but it pays the bills while I wait to go back to school in spring sslow night, not many customers ssuddenly see the fattest of fat fat f---- approaching register cart full of Mountain Dew and Hot Pockets >has so much fat that he has to lean on the cart to assist him with walking sso fat that he won't take anything out of the cart, makes me scan everything while it's still in cart isthisfaggotserious.jpg sa guy walks in only wanting a 20oz Pepsi, has to wait behind Fatty McGee total comes to 78 dollars sshoves sweaty $100 bill in my face like an a------ smark it to make sure it's legit, go to put it in the register wait let me give you the (whatever) cents" sstarts searching in pockets for approximately a decade looking for change sby this point there are four people waiting behind F------ McFatterson sall visibly upset that they have to wait for him call for second cashier severyone immediately goes to his line to stop dealing with all the fat sthis guy is seriously now running out of breath searching for change sstarts wheezing Sfinally makes the change so can give him all bills back ssecond cashiers line empties sguy spends a couple minutes sorting hot pockets, wallet, fat s"l can't wait to get home and go to bed, it's been a long day" smaking small talk I say, "Long day at work?" s"oh no, I don't have a job, I borrowed that money from my mom s"So what do you do?" > moderate the sports board on 4chan" mfw Anonymous 12/29/13(Sun)03:23 No.24285440 File: 1388305419225 ipg-(29 KB, 640x480, 1315895805868.jpg) P>

Krusty Krab

Anonymous (ID: On1goll3) 05/30/13(Thu)00:43:18 No.483594269 >ring ring* >Hi this is Michelle, this isn't the damned Krusty Krab! STOP CALLING! >Uh, what? I wanted to order some food. I'm a little confused. >Oh sorry, what would you like? >Fried catfish poboy please. My name is Omarion. >Can you spell that? who lives in a pineapple under the see.. >GOD F------ DAMNIT! *click*

Narrow Escape

400 png-(29 KB, 468x466, 1316973828281.png) Anonymous 09/26/11 (Mon)00:13:20 No.355343406 sa really cute girl from work told me if i went out with her to a party id get some p---- licks my ear as she says this >go out with her >she ignores everyone at the party and takes me by the hand into a bed room on the third floor >she pulls down my pants, i feel her hot breath on my penis >she then sprints across the room, and hops out of an open window, runs down the ladder, and retracts the ladder hear the bedroom door locking from the other side >that's when i saw her, the hot girls autistic 400 pound 45 year old sister >she was drooling all over her mottled t--- and fingering her c--- using her own liquid feces as lubricant >she took one look at my throbbing c--- and said "commear baby dakes. i want thad hot meat in my frontbutt" >I'm not proud of how i acted that day but i had to do what i did to survive walked over to her, holding her head to my chest >she attempted to suckle from my nipple as i put her in a head lock held her there in a sleeper hold for 4 minutes before she passed out >i searched the room for a key, which as it turned out was tied around her neck with fishing line >before i left the house i lit a pile of laundry on the second floor on fire >that house and the gibbering monster held within burned to a crisp Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:14:52 No.355343662 File 1 049 29 KB, 720x540, 1314420186801.jpg) What the f--- am i reading

Jimmy John Genius

1 739451462 7/20/17 1:18 AM M ToThe girl I'm in love with works at a Jimmy John's, andl A think I've finally found a plan to make her mine Since 1983 installed a spy program on the computer at her Jimmy ?SAND TASTT 107 KB John's l now have all of the schedules of each employee, and access to the info about each delivery order >What kind of sandwich, where it's going, who's delivering it, etc have a reasonable sized van bought a Jimmy John's uniform, all of the sandwich supplies I need. chips,and packaging for all this s--- to make it seem official >Whenever I see an order pop up that will be delivered by my girl make the sandwich on my own, and rush it to the person who ordered it before the gets there Every time my girl delivers a sandwich she ll be greeted by a happy customer who already has their food >She won't believe it, it's impossible for something like this to happen Each successive house already has a sandwich in it This will continue for several weeks, each day she grows crazier and crazier One day she'll inevitably start crying on the side of the road once she sees yet another already delivered order Guess who's waiting there to console her It's me Give her a shoulder to cry on, say I'll find what's at the bottom of this mystery >The mysterious sandwiches will stop, and she'll fall in love with me We will make sweet sandwich love every night We'll pound like pickles >If she says she's going to leave me, my sandwiches will start coming back >Her mental health will literally be dependent on being in a relationship with me >When this plan is literally foolproof Starting my plan tomorrow, wish me luck

ALL THE EGGS

- File: 1344263299653 ipg-(118 KB, 750x561, 1342391823379.jpg) 器□ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:28 No.1 50024827 ED >walk in the streets at night >see this what do? Replies to this post □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:30 No.1 50024980回團 P> 48 Offer her my coat to cover up and a ride home Replies to this post: □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:46 No.1 50026512 0團困 >Help her up and carry her disoriented body to my place >Let her sleep on my bed as sleep on the couch >Deal with her freak out when she wakes up >Ask her if she's ok > "You don't have to tell me what happened, but you do have to eat this." as I hand her a bowl of eggs >Ask if she needs a ride home >Tell her to take care Replies to this post: □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:47 No 1 50026676 ] □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:48 No. 102 KB, 480 □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon 10:47 No. 1500266 265 KB, 334x393, 1 File: 134426450 File: 13442644329 >>150026512 Wizard detected 150026512 P> Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)11:01 File: 1344265300847 png-(4 KB, 312x315, 1343878593548.png) HIGH LEVEL P> stake her back to your place >think "You don't have to tell me what happened, but you do have to eat this is a smooth line Jesus christ were you the creepy one at EMBARRASSING school? Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)11 :05 No. 150028268 □ □ (45 KB, 882x896, EAT ALL THE EGGS.png) 8 Replies to this post: Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)11:00 >h-hi.. swh- why are you screaming? >pls stop >h-here e-eggs >pl-please dont go >door slams 爿love you too you a-wake? ㄣ

D&D Brownies

413531-CosmicBrownies.ipg (195 KB, 800x600) google igdb ■ N Anonymous 11/24/13(Sun)13:00:34 No.28470756 [r] 2-28470782 >-28470790 >Last Nights D&D session >DM decides to reveal that he's actually a bit of an amateur chef >Spends ten minutes puttering around in the kitchen, and we hear the constant churning noise of a blender >Comes back with large mugs filled with a thick, brown liquid > Its my cosmic brownie shake. Just try it. Try it t tastes like sex with an angel >Everyone drains their mugs >Dont worry, there's plenty left! You can drink as much as you want! And, the best part is, its actually really healthy for you! >We start playing, continuing to drink the tasty shakes the entire time >About an hour in, I start to feel funny >One guy dashes off to the bathroom, and a few seconds later we hear him screaming IT'S LIKE SNAKES. IT'S LIKE SNAKES ARE IN MY GUTS AND ARE TEARING APART MY A------." >No one has any idea what he's talking about. >One minute later >Everyone knows what he's talking about. manage to reach one of the three bathrooms >Pain >Agonizing pain >Like my liver is strangling my stomach while my intestines tie themselves into knots >I am s------- and crying and occasionally screaming >Hear screaming coming from outside the window >One guy didn't manage to get into a bathroom >He's screaming and crying and s------- outside in the backyard >Neighbors walk out of their house to see whats going on >Guy in the backyard is pleading with them to kill him >Everyone spends the entire night just s------- and crying I just got back home and I think I lost thirty pounds Gaming food thread? Anonymous 11/24/13(Sun)13:02:47 No.28470782[r]>-28470798>-28470804>-284 [+] Did you get the recipe?

Renaissance Fair

! Anonymous 10/16/16(Sun)01:09:58 No. 708068041 >Me, working hard at ren fair >I'm a random guard >Tis my duty to ha >Get paid well >People running around as pirates doing pirate things rass strangers in the name of the king >Suddenly see hot chick stealing something from a stall Now's my chance >I walk up to her >She knows i know I yell at the top of my lungs >"STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM" >She tries to run >l give chase Tackle that bitch to the ground >She yells "R---" >l yell "YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE LAW" >Crowd gathers >Some guy pulls me off of her >He pulls out a knife >Oh f--- He stabs me in the stomach >Knife breaks off my armor >I am f------ invincible >Punch him in the face with metal gauntlet >Pretty sure his face is broken >King arrives >"What the f--- happened here?" > "Sire this woman is stealing i went to appreheno >King checks woman >Finds 500 worth of jewelry >Her and the guy taken away >Get promotion >Head of kings guar >Princess loves me for my heroism >Stop thieves get bitches

Crazy Party

ile: thatsprettygood.ipg (16 KB, 480x360) □ Anonymous 07/3 1 / 1 7 Mon 00: 31: 50 No. 740 6 1 3468 2274061 3927 >>74061 40042274061 4173 2274061 4403 2274061 4526 2274061 4593 >>74061 4638 >>740614639 Story time, /b/ >Be me >Be 17, be in high school >I'm a bit of a beta, and only really have one friend >He likes beta s--- like I do, but he has charisma and good looks >We're picking our courses for senior year, and we both need some art credits >My friend decides to take drama, because it's mostly qt3.14 girls and some gay guys >He convinces me to join him, since he won't know anyone else in the class >Senior year starts >I actually kind of enjoy the drama class and I'm not exactly bad at it, but my friend barely tries and has no talent whatsoever >Our class has 4 or 5 gay dudes, a couple 5-6/10s, and about 10 absolutely gorgeous girls, who are all like 11/10 >My friend spends all the time he can during the class flirting with the 11/10 girls >November rolls around, we start preparing for a play >My friend is still utter trash at drama, and everyone thinks he's probably going to wreck the play if he's given an important role, so the teacher edits the script and adds a part with no speaking lines >He's going to be playing a f------ bush >The gay dudes don't exactly like him and his attitude, but the girls are cool with him >The night of the play rolls around >My friend manages not to f--- up being a bush >Some of the girls decide to throw a party afterwards >Nine of the hot girls are there, and they invite my friend for some reason >They don't invite me, feelsbadman.jpg >Someone brought a bunch of weed and booze to the party >They all get super drunk and stoned and have a f------ >Mfw bush did nine 11's

Explaining Search History

> Anonymous 05/09/17 Tue 17:54:46 No.37645 1571 376453220 >>376453482 >-376451712 >>376451651 > 376451875 >>376451963 >>376452036 >>376452046 >>376452 39 >>376452 65 >>376452209 >>376452315 >>376452339-376452404 >>376452494 >>37645288 File: 1493162882402 ipg (21 KB, 306x306) >376440753 >computer is in grandmas roonm masturbate in the room while she has her back turned sometimes swack off to naruto x sakura p--- on some website and some doujins I found >finish as my grandma tells me its my time to get off and my sisters turn to use the computer >she's a huge naruto weeb, has a crush on sasuke, and watched a ton of AMVs and had a gaia account >get paranoid she'll find my history when she types in the URL bar to watch her AMVs and read her naruto and anime fanfics >call her into another room and explain to her that sometimes I j------- cartoons >ask her what she would think of that and she asks me what do I mean stell her that I e--------- to a picture of sakura on a bench exposing her p---- >show her the pic >she's disgusted and immediately leaves the room >never brings it up again and it's been 15 years later >she's no longer a weeb but she's a man apparently now >sometimes I am left awake at night at the pure cringe of my younger self □ Anonymous 05/09/17(Tue)17:56:44 No.376451712 File □ Anonymous 05/09/17(Tue)17:58:29 No.376451851 File: sad hackerman.jpg (27 KB, 565x596) (32 KB, 300x900) 2> >>call her into another room and explain to her that sometimes I j------- cartoons anon what the f--- are you doing >call her into another room and explain to her that sometimes I j------- cartoons ANON PLS □ Anonymous 05/09/17(Tue)17:58:50 No.376451 875 File: 1487808109305. gif (932 KB, 400x265) □Anonymous 05/09/17(Tue)18:00:04 No.376451963 File: 14903884814 (325 KB, 468x484) Holy f--- >call her into another room and explain to her that sometimes I j------- cartoons What the f--- □ Anonymous 05/09/17(Tue)18:01:02 No.376452036 Anonymous 05/09/17(Tue)18:02:38 No. 376452165 ,-YOURE A FUNNY GUY 376451571 at least the world has one less weaboo for it, you did gods work anon. LL TAKE YOUIL SKELETON LAST That's one for the ages. I had a hearty kek over this. Thanks anon Anonymous 05/09/17(Tue)18:04:35 No. 376452315ー376452470 >2376453360 □ Anonymous 05/09/17 (Tue)18: 11:30 No.376452885 ile: tom-delonge-w--.gif (1.53 MB, 370x335) File. Shyamalan%20main jpg (65 KB. 556x316) HOME 5> >she's no longer a weeb but she's a man apparently now >tell her that I e--------- to a picture of sakura on a bench exposing her p---- show her the pic Anonymous 05/09/17(Tue)18:03:18 No.376452209 put me in the screencap

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