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Greentext Stories - Image Gallery Page 12

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Anon's childhood.

>be me when I was like 13 grew up kinda poor, but my family had a lot of land (like 15-20 acres) l was really fascinated with military entrenchment and engineering for some reason parents ask me what I want for my birthday I tell them a nice shovel birthday comes around and my dad was able to find an actual WWIl German e-tool ask them if I can dig a hole I'm out all day from before sunrise to after sunset come back to the house dirty as f--- >"Did you dig to China or what?" they come out and look what I've done I've successfully dug about 50 yards of an underground g---- style tunnel network reinforced it with timber from the nearby burn pile >mom starts flipping out, what if it collapsed, what if I got sick what if I got lost etc etc >aaa promises τ。go aown ana see if it's safe "Honey.... this is kinda cool. dad and I spend the next couple weekends adding to my tunnel network we would play "tunnel rat" where one of us was a VC and the other was a Gl and we had to clear out or defend the command post" at the center with our nerf pistols always came out at the end of the day completely filthy and had a cup of hot chocolate in the kitchen, mom didn't seem to like that as much as we did haha Dad just died about a year back. Today would have bee his 65th birthday if it weren't for the car accident. Him and mom never had the money to give me shiny toys or the best education money could buy, but he always gave me his time. Me and mom miss you, dad

Game of Throner

Anonymous 07/26/17(Wed)16:38:37 No.85481697 File: 1402734441962.ipg (95 KB, 500x514) >-85482338 >>85483846 >-85483911 >>85484389 >Finish watching a Game of Thrones decide to go to movie theater >dress in my furs, boiled leather, and hauberk, befitting my status as a Northman fill my pockets with roasted capon, and Frey pie, in case i get hungry bring a skin of wine smy mom drives me to the theater, but I pretend she's a destrier since Ned Stark's mom never drove him >get in line to get my ticket >speak in a clear and proud Northman voice >the smallfolk distributing tickets clearly respect me, "Theater 3, ok?" >"The North remembers!" >witness what appears to be a Summer Islander accosting a fair maid realize she will reward me with her maidenhood for helping >"Summer Islander, leave that chaste maid be. Are you of Jalabhar Xho's tribe?" >he looks at me confused: "Yo wat dis cracka talkin bout?" >"You look strange without your feather-cloak, Summer Islander. Leave us." stry to keep up a brave face, but realize the pie and capon have leaked out of my pockets and are overflowing from my sweatpants >"Yo dis cracka s--- hisself!" >Other Summer Islanders suddenly surround me Begin some sort of dance from their native isles, chanting "Woop there it is!" >Not sure what IT is, I attempt to escape and summon my bannermen >my cape gets caught on the door >slam my head and wake up in an ambulance >my mom is giving me a frustrated look: "No more watching Game of Thrones, Anon." >"It is known, mother."

Pleb

Anonymous (ID: IXc+Yxye) 12/01/12(Sat)20:40:42 No.440 File: 1354412442816.jpg-(244 KB, 677x782, Pleb.jpg) ITT: old feels >be legionnaire >seiging carthage >in streets >see XIX ancilla >byneptune.mosaic >run out of formation >tell her I will give her 5 denarii for servicing >"non porcus" >feel pastae dripping out of armor >cartheginian arrow goes through my eye >pleb as f---

Blazing

Anonymous (ID: Oi/IMEHO ) 04/26/14(Sat)01:38:43 No.543898176 >Be a cop >Patrolling, doing cop things See a quy driving like 15 miles below the speed limit >Swerving around like a m----------- 36 KB JPG >Can see lots of smoke coming out of his windows >Assume he's blazing it, pull him over >Walk up to his window and he rolls it down >He's got a f------ hot plate plugged into his c-------- lighter >M----------- is making pancakes while driving and burned them

Ron Paul 2008

Anonymous (ID: CINHW8YS) 06/24/14(Tue)00:32:23 No.552734235 rent a convertible sports car and a parachute >get your favorite handgun and shoot it in the air around a police station >high speed chase ensues lead the police into the desert and wait for media choppers >itstime.jpg tie parachute cord around your neck and throw a brick on the gas >deploy parachute, snapping your neck and simultaniously dragging vyour lifeless body into the air behind the car >parasail across the desert until your car dies Bonus points if the parachute says Ron Paul 2008 Bonus points if wearing assless fursuit

Checkout

File: 13883050298 (15 KB, 239x175, big fat whale.png) □ Anonymous 12/29/13(Sun)03:17 No.24285383 Replies: >224285440 2224285451 2224285487 %2428 sbe me scashier at Walgreens >s----- job but it pays the bills while I wait to go back to school in spring sslow night, not many customers ssuddenly see the fattest of fat fat f---- approaching register cart full of Mountain Dew and Hot Pockets >has so much fat that he has to lean on the cart to assist him with walking sso fat that he won't take anything out of the cart, makes me scan everything while it's still in cart isthisfaggotserious.jpg sa guy walks in only wanting a 20oz Pepsi, has to wait behind Fatty McGee total comes to 78 dollars sshoves sweaty $100 bill in my face like an a------ smark it to make sure it's legit, go to put it in the register wait let me give you the (whatever) cents" sstarts searching in pockets for approximately a decade looking for change sby this point there are four people waiting behind F------ McFatterson sall visibly upset that they have to wait for him call for second cashier severyone immediately goes to his line to stop dealing with all the fat sthis guy is seriously now running out of breath searching for change sstarts wheezing Sfinally makes the change so can give him all bills back ssecond cashiers line empties sguy spends a couple minutes sorting hot pockets, wallet, fat s"l can't wait to get home and go to bed, it's been a long day" smaking small talk I say, "Long day at work?" s"oh no, I don't have a job, I borrowed that money from my mom s"So what do you do?" > moderate the sports board on 4chan" mfw Anonymous 12/29/13(Sun)03:23 No.24285440 File: 1388305419225 ipg-(29 KB, 640x480, 1315895805868.jpg) P>

Krusty Krab

Anonymous (ID: On1goll3) 05/30/13(Thu)00:43:18 No.483594269 >ring ring* >Hi this is Michelle, this isn't the damned Krusty Krab! STOP CALLING! >Uh, what? I wanted to order some food. I'm a little confused. >Oh sorry, what would you like? >Fried catfish poboy please. My name is Omarion. >Can you spell that? who lives in a pineapple under the see.. >GOD F------ DAMNIT! *click*

Narrow Escape

400 png-(29 KB, 468x466, 1316973828281.png) Anonymous 09/26/11 (Mon)00:13:20 No.355343406 sa really cute girl from work told me if i went out with her to a party id get some p---- licks my ear as she says this >go out with her >she ignores everyone at the party and takes me by the hand into a bed room on the third floor >she pulls down my pants, i feel her hot breath on my penis >she then sprints across the room, and hops out of an open window, runs down the ladder, and retracts the ladder hear the bedroom door locking from the other side >that's when i saw her, the hot girls autistic 400 pound 45 year old sister >she was drooling all over her mottled t--- and fingering her c--- using her own liquid feces as lubricant >she took one look at my throbbing c--- and said "commear baby dakes. i want thad hot meat in my frontbutt" >I'm not proud of how i acted that day but i had to do what i did to survive walked over to her, holding her head to my chest >she attempted to suckle from my nipple as i put her in a head lock held her there in a sleeper hold for 4 minutes before she passed out >i searched the room for a key, which as it turned out was tied around her neck with fishing line >before i left the house i lit a pile of laundry on the second floor on fire >that house and the gibbering monster held within burned to a crisp Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:14:52 No.355343662 File 1 049 29 KB, 720x540, 1314420186801.jpg) What the f--- am i reading

Jimmy John Genius

1 739451462 7/20/17 1:18 AM M ToThe girl I'm in love with works at a Jimmy John's, andl A think I've finally found a plan to make her mine Since 1983 installed a spy program on the computer at her Jimmy ?SAND TASTT 107 KB John's l now have all of the schedules of each employee, and access to the info about each delivery order >What kind of sandwich, where it's going, who's delivering it, etc have a reasonable sized van bought a Jimmy John's uniform, all of the sandwich supplies I need. chips,and packaging for all this s--- to make it seem official >Whenever I see an order pop up that will be delivered by my girl make the sandwich on my own, and rush it to the person who ordered it before the gets there Every time my girl delivers a sandwich she ll be greeted by a happy customer who already has their food >She won't believe it, it's impossible for something like this to happen Each successive house already has a sandwich in it This will continue for several weeks, each day she grows crazier and crazier One day she'll inevitably start crying on the side of the road once she sees yet another already delivered order Guess who's waiting there to console her It's me Give her a shoulder to cry on, say I'll find what's at the bottom of this mystery >The mysterious sandwiches will stop, and she'll fall in love with me We will make sweet sandwich love every night We'll pound like pickles >If she says she's going to leave me, my sandwiches will start coming back >Her mental health will literally be dependent on being in a relationship with me >When this plan is literally foolproof Starting my plan tomorrow, wish me luck

ALL THE EGGS

- File: 1344263299653 ipg-(118 KB, 750x561, 1342391823379.jpg) 器□ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:28 No.1 50024827 ED >walk in the streets at night >see this what do? Replies to this post □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:30 No.1 50024980回團 P> 48 Offer her my coat to cover up and a ride home Replies to this post: □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:46 No.1 50026512 0團困 >Help her up and carry her disoriented body to my place >Let her sleep on my bed as sleep on the couch >Deal with her freak out when she wakes up >Ask her if she's ok > "You don't have to tell me what happened, but you do have to eat this." as I hand her a bowl of eggs >Ask if she needs a ride home >Tell her to take care Replies to this post: □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:47 No 1 50026676 ] □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:48 No. 102 KB, 480 □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon 10:47 No. 1500266 265 KB, 334x393, 1 File: 134426450 File: 13442644329 >>150026512 Wizard detected 150026512 P> Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)11:01 File: 1344265300847 png-(4 KB, 312x315, 1343878593548.png) HIGH LEVEL P> stake her back to your place >think "You don't have to tell me what happened, but you do have to eat this is a smooth line Jesus christ were you the creepy one at EMBARRASSING school? Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)11 :05 No. 150028268 □ □ (45 KB, 882x896, EAT ALL THE EGGS.png) 8 Replies to this post: Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)11:00 >h-hi.. swh- why are you screaming? >pls stop >h-here e-eggs >pl-please dont go >door slams 爿love you too you a-wake? ㄣ

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